To make a long story short, Daphne won Cruise Bingo by finding twenty-one of the twenty-four items on one of her cards. For winning, Daphne took home a lovely handcrafted necklace that was designed and produced in the Tiki household. Oddly enough, Daphne has not worn the necklace since the cruise. She must be saving it for a really special occasion.
In honor of Daphne's big win, here are the items on her card.
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| Daphne's Winning Card |
Bad lounge singing
Daphne didn't have any trouble checking this item off her card. There was bad lounge singing on this cruise everywhere we turned. The singer in the piano bar was best listened to after drinking heavily. We were subjected to a version of "Margaritaville" that could have only been worse if someone had died during the performance. It was so bad that we started going to watch the karaoke competition where at least the singing was supposed to be awful.
First visit to Cozumel
Before Carol's untimely demise, we always joked that her next visit to Cozumel would always be her first due to her rocky relationship with tequila. She always had a really good time in Cozumel but she seldom enjoyed the aftermath. Poor Carol never did get to visit Cozumel but Daphne was happy to enjoy this beautiful island for the first time.
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| Nachi Cocom in Cozumel |
Inappropriate dinner wear
Two words: vintage crack.
Fatal sunburn
On a typical cruise, there are many, many opportunities to spot the sunblock challenged. On this cruise, however, we were with a lot of older folks who avoid the sun like they avoid purchasing small cars. We were halfway through the week before Daphne spotted one of the waitresses at the supper club who had apparently been roasted in one of the ovens.
Hair braider
This item is pretty much a free space because hair braiders on a Caribbean island are as thick as bad lounge singers on a cruise ship.
Frisking
Daphne didn't get to check this space, I'm happy to report. I'm happy because the frisking always seems to apply to me. I've been frisked by a female security guard in Jamaica and by a lunch lady at a Jimmy Buffet concert. I would rather forget both of those experiences so I was not disappointed to be spared yet another frisking.
Slot tournament
On our previous cruise, Dale won the slot tournament. On this cruise, we missed out on the slot tournament entirely somehow. This was another item Daphne did not check.
Swim-up bar
I can think of only a few things in life that are better than spending an afternoon at a swim-up bar with good friends. One of our favorite swim-up bars is at Nachi Cocom in Cozumel and Dale and I braved the frigid pool to have tequila shots with the bartenders. Daphne was nearby so she checked off this item.
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| The swim-up bar is to the right under the thatch roof |
Stranger nudity
Have I mentioned that stranger nudity is seldom a good thing? I have? Many times? Well, I say it so often because it is true. We were overwhelmed by stranger nudity on this cruise. We saw elderly nudity, trailer trash nudity and beach nudity all in one trip. It doesn't get any stranger than that.
Woman in men's room (or vice versa)
Like stranger nudity, this item is seldom as exciting as it sounds. In Playa Maya at the Maya Chan beach club, there were many more women than could comfortably use the women's bathroom. The women then did what comes naturally to them: they took over the bathroom that previously belonged to the men.
Meet someone not from Texas, Oklahoma or Arkansas
When we cruise out of Galveston, Texas, the vast majority of our fellow cruisers are from Texas. There are a few from surrounding states like Oklahoma and Arkansas but the diversity usually ends there. As the Tiki Gal likes to say, it is like going on a cruise at Bubba's Barbecue. However, we did meet Jay and Joanne from somewhere in the northeast.
Entertaining photographer or bartender
We had many entertaining bartenders on this trip but Dosrell and Oldemar win the prize for letting us in on The Secret.
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| Dosrell and Oldemar |
Free Space
We wrote in our own memorable items in the free spaces. Daphne wrote in the Curly Mullet on the winning card. Anytime you can write Curly Mullet on pretty much anything, you know you are doing something right.
Cell phone at dinner
Daphne was able to check this item off before we even got on the cruise ship thanks to the Tiki Gal. She got a call at dinner in Houston because our kids were locked out of our house and wanted her help with this - from 500 miles away.
Panic attack
Daphne was able to check off her own panic attack for this item. When we went horseback riding in Roatan, the first part of the ride was along a busy road. Daphne was - uncomfortable - with riding along a road on the side of a steep hill while cars buzzed along at high speed just a few feet away. She was so uncomfortable that she probably could have downed a couple of beers with out a grimace. Well... maybe with a small grimace.
Tramp stamp
What is the attraction with the lower back tattoo? As a red blooded male, I can truthfully say that I don't find them attractive. Attractive girls don't need them and unattractive girls are typically just drawing attention to an area that would best be overlooked. Daphne checked this off within five minutes of boarding the ship.
Bowl of bacon
On a previous cruise, we actually saw a person with a bowl filled, not with cereal, but with bacon at breakfast. Our arteries were glad that Daphne was not able to check this item off during this cruise.
Waiter/waitress failure
This item originated when our assistant waiter on a previous cruise poured a small amount of wine in Dale's glass for tasting, proceeded to fill everyone else's glass when Dale okayed the selection, but forgot to fill Dale's glass and walked off. Dale was stuck with an empty wine glass through most of the meal. In a similar event on this cruise, a waiter at another table forgot to order a birthday cake for one of his guests. He sent our assistant waiter, Ravi, running off to get the cake. While Ravi was gone, the waiter was supposed to pour our coffee. He did pour Dale's and Daphne's coffee but skipped over... me.
Speedo
Much like the tramp stamp, I don't understand the attraction some guys have to wearing Speedo swimming suits. There are some things about other guys I just don't want to know and many of those things are on display in a Speedo. Luckily for me, we didn't spot a Speedo on this trip and Daphne did not get to check this item. It was especially lucky since the average age of our fellow cruisers was approximately 89. The sagging would have been horrifying.
Frisky fish
On a previous cruise, we were relaxing in the water in Grand Cayman when a school of small fish attacked the Tiki Gal. One of these fish tried to jump down the top of her swimming suit. On this cruise, Daphne saw some fish while snorkeling in Roatan and a few of them looked a little frisky. (We aren't very strict on what it takes to check some of these items, as you might be able to tell.)
Lettuce failure
The original lettuce failure belonged to Dale. He was eating a Caesar salad when a rogue wave caused him to drop an extremely large piece of lettuce on the floor. Daphne was happily recounting this event when she elbowed her water and spilled it all over the Tiki Gal's bread proving that karma is still alive and well.
Casino jealousy
There is one person in our group - to protect her identity we'll call her Daphne - who doesn't deal well with other's casino successes if she is not winning as well. Since we all stunk in the casino on this cruise, Daphne was only jealous of the nameless strangers who were winning all around us.
Carbon paper
We don't often see carbon paper in this carbonless world we live in but for some odd reason we often see carbon paper on cruises. Unfortunately, we're all too old to remember where we saw it during this trip but we all checked it off on our Bingo cards.
Overflowing hot tub
Picture, if you will, a cruise ship pool deck on a sunny afternoon in the Caribbean. You glide between glistening, toned bodies soaking up the rays as you make your way to the sparkling water of the pool where a few incredibly attractive people are chatting about interesting world events while sipping fruity drinks festooned with little umbrellas. You climb the steps to the unoccupied hot tub and feel your stress slip away as you sink into the bubbling water. Now forget that image because it is never going to be found on a cruise ship. Instead, you'll make your way between large, hairy, unattractive folks drinking bad beer from aluminum bottles. You won't see any water, sparkling or otherwise, because every square inch of the pool will be filled with screaming, thrashing children. You'll make your way up the steps to the hot tub to find it overstuffed - like the bikinis - with more of the buffet loving crowd. As you squeeze in between a large man wearing his permanent fur coat and a large woman who keeps screaming - directly into your left ear - at her children to stop "dunkin' each other" in the pool, you'll notice gallons and gallons of water sloshing out over the sides of the hot tub and down onto the pool deck. That's when it hits you, this is no ordinary vacation... and you get to check off the overflowing hot tub on your Cruise Bingo card.
Chocolate strawberries
The girls are big fans of chocolate-covered strawberries so they talked our head waiter into sending a big platter to each of our cabins. They even shared a strawberry or two with Dale and me.
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| Thank you, Rayomond! |
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