Peter Mayer and The White Owl

The Tiki Gal and I joined Dale and Carol and some other friends at Peter Mayer's Christmas concert in Tulsa a few weeks ago. We saw him in concert in St. Louis at the end of the summer and were blown away so we had been anxiously awaiting his appearance. We were not disappointed. The Peter Mayer Group played mostly original Christmas music, some of which was heavily influenced by the time Peter spent in India growing up, as well as a few traditional favorites. As I've stated before, seeing music performed live cannot be compared to listening to a CD or the radio and the Peter Mayer Group is certainly no exception. Besides Peter and his remarkably skilled guitar playing, the band featured a violin, mandolin, bass, drums, piano and flutes. I found it difficult to take in the music as a whole because I would become fascinated watching each of these artists play his or her particular instrument. The bass player was especially entertaining, but then, bass players usually are.

After the concert, Dale and Carol and another couple joined us at the Tiki Hut for drinks. The girls enjoyed Spicy Holidays while the guys picked from the rag-tag assortment of beers that were in the refrigerator. Dale and I had Guinness and once again determined that while it is good, it is certainly nothing special. We've had many better dark beers.

Our Christmas plans were thrown out of whack because most of Oklahoma was hit by a blizzard on Christmas Eve. Traditionally, the Tiki family travels to see my family on Christmas Eve. Since my hometown was supposed to receive ten inches of snow, we didn't think the driving conditions would be ideal for travelling. Instead, we made a quick trip to see my family on the 23rd and were safe and sound back at home when the snow hit. It is a good thing too because my hometown received around a foot of snow and ice. If we had been stuck there for an extended period of time, I would be looking for a new Tiki Gal in 2010 because the current Tiki Gal would have either killed someone or would have thrown herself in front of a snow plow.

A few nights ago, we joined Dale and Carol for a trip to a pub that had been highly recommended called The White Owl. As I've reported many times before, we really like a different pub called McNellie's but we wanted to try something new. Unfortunately, new is not necessarily better. As Carol pointed out when we arrived, The White Owl has an urban look with a shiny, fully stocked bar (that had me salivating from the start), big flat-screen TVs mounted all over the place, and trendy looking booths and tables. Dale and I were not impressed with the selection of beers but were happy to find that most of Samuel Smith's products were offered. The girls ordered wine because they want people to think they are sophisticated and are just out slumming with their beer swilling men (and also because you can't order a Squeezy Squeezy anyplace besides the Tiki Bar without getting strange looks.) Since I'm a positive kind of guy, I'll say that the White Owl makes really good cheese fries and Dale was happy with his Sweet and Spicy barbecue sandwich. Otherwise, the food was unimpressive (Carol has another word to describe the food but this is a family publication.) Upon reflection, we decided that we would stick with McNellie's and leave The White Owl to the pretty people. Also, the person that recommended The White Owl is now outside the circle of trust.

I've been a lazy Tiki Man and have failed to rate the last few beers we've tried. Here's a list, however, organized with the holidays in mind.

Nice
Sam Smith Taddy Porter
Sam Smith Organic Lager

Naughty
Ommegang Abbey Ale - Check out the comments on their site. I definitely did not write any of those.
Any beer with a lime either in the name or shoved down the neck of the bottle

Crashing a Christmas Party

Since my last entry, I've been a busy Tiki Man. We went to McNellie's, the Tiki Gal reached an age that ends in zero, we rated some beers, we invented a cocktail, we went to the Tiki Gal's staff holiday party (and also a party we weren't invited to) and we decorated for Christmas. I am getting tired again just writing about it.

The Tiki Gal had a birthday recently, and since she reached a milestone age, I threw a birthday party for her. She invited her buddies from work and her buddy Carol. I provided food and played bartender. The ladies all seemed to have a good time and everyone enjoyed the drinks so I decided to list the recipes for a few of the favorites here.

Fruitcakes
Color: Red
Ingredients: 5 ounces cranberry juice, 2 ounces pineapple rum, 1 ounce Cointreau
Directions: Shake all ingredients with ice.

Squeezy Squeezy
Color: Pink
Ingredients: 2 ounces cranberry juice, 2 ounces pineapple juice, 2 ounces raspberry rum, Sprite
Directions: Shake cranberry juice, pineapple juice and rum with ice. Pour into a glass and top with Sprite.

Creme Brulee
Color: White
Ingredients: 3 ounces half-n-half, 3 ounces simple syrup, 1 ounce vodka, 1 ounce vanilla liqueur, 1/2 ounce Frangelico
Directions: Shake all ingredients with ice or blend all ingredients with 1 cup ice.
Comments: To make simple syrup, bring 1 cup water to a boil. Turn off the heat and pour 2 cups sugar into the boiling water. Stir until sugar is completely dissolved and then let cool. Simple syrup may be stored in the refrigerator for a few weeks.

Spicy Holiday
Color: Red
Ingredients: 5 ounces cranberry juice, 1 ounce spiced rum, 1 ounce Cointreau, Sprite
Directions: Shake cranberry juice, spiced rum and Cointreau with ice. Pour into a glass and top with Sprite.
Comments: The Spicy Holiday is a new creation from the Rogue Wave Tiki Bar Laboratories.

Of course, some of the ladies took a trip to Margaritaville. You can find Margarita recipes here.

I hope the Tiki Gal and her friends had as much fun at the party as I had playing bartender. While I didn't get any tips, I did get some suggestions on what I should wear the next time we get together. Thankfully, it would take several Big Boy Margaritas to make me even consider following that advice - and I wasn't drinking at the time.

We attended the Tiki Gal's staff Christmas party last weekend. I've been known to grumble about attending these parties because it always feels awkward to stand around and make small talk with people you barely know. And those of you who know me know that I'm terrible at small talk. This year was different, however. I have gotten to know several of the Tiki Gal's coworkers and their spouses over the last few years and that made this year's party fun. Also, we drove to the party with another couple following the directions of Monique, my lovely GPS. As I've mentioned here before, the Tiki Gal and Monique do not have a great relationship. In fact, I think there may be some jealousy on one side or the other. Anyway, Monique was taking us through a neighborhood and, we thought, directly to the Christmas party. The directions to the house said that the house had a semi-circular driveway. Monique took us to a house with a simi-circular driveway filled with cars and we could see people milling about in the well lit house. It looked like a party. It looked like our party. Alas, if only that were true.

We parked, hopped out of the car, grabbed our food and drinks and headed for the door. A nice, older lady opened the door and let us inside. Then, the Tiki Gal and her co-worker noticed that they didn't recognize anyone. At the same time, the people in the house realized they didn't know us. We were at the wrong party! The Tiki Gal said, "I think we're in the wrong house." Someone that was actually invited to the party said, "Then drop the food and move along." We retreated as quickly and with as much dignity as we could muster. Even though it was embarrassing, I think the Tiki Gal was secretly happy that Monique led us astray. Jealousy is an ugly thing.

When the Tiki Gal and I finally get to move to an island in the Caribbean, one of the things I will definitely not miss is putting Christmas lights on the house. Oh, I'll be happy to climb up a palm tree with some lights. I'll even string them on my hammock. I will not, however, climb up a shaky ladder over a hard, concrete driveway to put lights on the peak of the house twenty-five feet in the air. I'm not afraid of heights but, every year as I look down at the cement while stretching up to put the lights on the peak, I realize I am afraid of falling from heights. To make matters worse, the Tiki Gal's brother borrowed my extension ladder several years ago. He put it in the back of his pickup truck, didn't tie it down, and proceeded to drive 70 m.p.h. down the highway with it. Guess what happened. My ladder blew out of the back of his truck and was driven over by several cars. Unfortunately for me, the ladder was damaged but it wasn't totaled. It now has this big crack down one side (who knew that aluminum could crack?) right at the top - right where I have to stand when I'm putting the lights on the peak. Now, I try not to think about that crack. I try to climb up the ladder, put the lights on, climb back down, and get it over with. It never works though. I always think about that crack. I always think, "Is this the year the ladder breaks?" Therefore, every year I have an internal argument over whether I should take some tequila shots before or after putting the lights on the peak. On the one hand, taking the shots before would help calm my nerves. On the other hand, I certainly don't want to impair my already shaky agility any further. Who says living in suburbia isn't stressful and dangerous?

How to Cruise - Don't Be That Guy

Welcome back for the next installment of the How to Cruise series. I call this the "Don't Be That Guy" chapter. As you read on, I think you'll see what I mean.

On our first cruise with Dale and Carol, we were delighted to find that Royal Caribbean had an adults only pool and hot tub in the Solarium. One afternoon at sea, we made our way to the Solarium and found we had the hot tub to ourselves. We enjoyed the warm, relaxing bubbles for all of 22 seconds before a large man and his large teen sons climbed in with us. Dale, Carol, the Tiki Gal and I were now squashed into a small corner of the hot tub. The large man was obviously looking for a way to make the situation less awkward when he spotted the Egyptian decorations on the pillars that supported the Solarium's roof. He pointed his meaty finger at the decorations and said, "I wonder what them hieroglyphics say? I bet they say 'No farting in the hot tub.'" His sons immediately turned bright red and one let out an exasperated, "Oh, Dad!" Of course, we all busted out laughing, not because his joke was funny, but because we were so astounded that he had said it to a bunch of strangers. Unfortunately, the situation remained awkward so the large man and his large sons soon left us. Even though this man gave us a joke that we still laugh over to this day, if you find yourself in a hot tub with a bunch of strangers - Don't be that guy.

On our last cruise, we learned that Carnival offered cell phone service on the ship. The small catch was that the service cost $1.99 per minute. On our first night on the ship, we went to dinner in the formal dining room. We had a booth for four that looked over another part of the dining room. Just below us, a gentleman was sitting at a large table all alone. Pretty soon, we noticed that he had pulled out his cell phone. He then proceeded to call each member of his family on - we presume - their cell phones and reamed each of them out in a loud and angry voice for not being at dinner on time. Shortly thereafter, his family started arriving in ones and twos. We noticed that his wife didn't sit anywhere near Mr. Grumpy Pants that night or any other night at dinner. Throughout the week, we watched this family have extended conversations on their cell phones at dinner. They must not have realized that if they were calling each other, they would be paying $1.99 per minute for each cell phone involved in the conversation. Personally, I would have loved to see the look on Grumpy's face when he opened his cell bill and saw those charges. The lesson here, as always, is to be nice to people even if they are your family - and don't be that guy.

Late the next night, the Tiki Gal and I were out on our balcony watching the waves slip by and enjoying some time together. We had chosen our room specifically because it had an extended balcony that wrapped around the back corner of the ship. The balcony was huge - so big, in fact, that instead of the usual two deck chairs, we had four. So the Tiki Gal and I had pulled one of the deck chairs around the corner of our balcony. Since we were about to go to bed, we were wearing our cruise pajamas. To protect our privacy, I won't describe the cruise pajamas but I'm sure your imaginations can fill something in (sorry about that mental image, Dale, but the truth has to be told). Anyway, we're sort of hidden around the corner wearing our cruise pajamas when we hear some noise coming from the other side of our balcony. Neither of us were in a position to step around the corner to find out what was going on so we waited until it was over and then peeked around the corner to discover that the rest of our deck chairs were missing. Someone in the next cabin had jumped - at significant peril, I might add - over the railing from their balcony to ours and had then moved our deck chairs to their balcony. We were shocked that someone would risk their life over some deck chairs, first of all, but also that someone would think it was fine to "borrow" our deck chairs in the first place. The next day, we spoke with the security team on the ship and they then spoke with the guy in the next cabin. He apologized later but still didn't think he had done anything wrong. Don't be that guy.

And finally, when we were embarking on our last cruise, we watched a guy carry roughly fifty gallons of water through the entire cruise terminal. In case you were wondering, cruise terminals are big. We probably walked at least half a mile from the front doors of the terminal to our cabins on the ship and this poor guy (who I hear was trying to do something nice for a girl) carried, pushed and kicked an extra large case of bottled water over that entire distance. Not only did he get his cardio workout for the next six weeks that day, he was subjected to constant ridicule (or so I hear) for the duration of the cruise. Also, he found out later that there was cold, filtered water available at all times in the buffet area so there was no need to buy the family size pack of water. The most important lesson of all is, if you are ever thinking of doing something nice for a girl - Don't be that guy.

How to Cruise - On the Islands

In this second installment of How to Cruise, we will focus on your time On the Islands.

The most important thing to remember when cruising is this: when the ship stops at a beautiful, tropical port, get off the boat. Don't sit in your stateroom all day watching reruns of the Love and Marriage show from the night before. Don't spend your day attempting to eat everything in sight. Don't go to the onboard pool or hot tubs - you can do that anytime. The ship's casino and shops are closed and the photographers that typically lurk around every corner are - you guessed it - on the island. The reason they are on the island is... well, because they are paid to take pictures of you on the island. However, they can't do their jobs if you are sitting in a deck chair reading the latest Nora Roberts novel. And besides keeping the ship's photographers gainfully employed, by getting off the boat you will get to see beautiful sand beaches, palm trees, turquoise waters and more duty free shops than you can stir with a stick. Also, you will get to see a way of life that will be completely foreign to most of you - island life. Island life is slow and stress free. Island life is "No problem, mon!" as we like to say when we're in Jamaica – except for Carol, she hates it when we say that. As you sit on the beach or walk down the street, the island lifestyle will seep into you and your normal pressures and headaches will slip away into the warm Caribbean breeze… but not if you’re sitting on the boat.

The mistake most new cruisers make (and we made this mistake as well) is signing up for the excursions on the ship. These excursions range from a bus tour of the island to parasailing five-hundred feet above the ocean and everything in between. These excursions have good points: the cruise companies make sure the excursion operators are safe and honest and will reimburse you if you don't get what you paid for, the ship will not leave you behind if the excursion is late getting back to the dock, and you will be surrounded by fellow cruisers and there is often safety in numbers - of course this is also the major downside to these excursions. For instance, we've been on several snorkeling excursions that were arranged by the cruise line. On each of these excursions, about thirty to fifty cruisers are herded onto a snorkeling boat, given snorkels and masks that have seen better days, and guided around a reef area by snorkeling guides. The problem is that there are thirty to fifty people thrashing around in the water, all trying to look at the same fish at the same time. You typically end up looking at someone else's flipper kicking you in the face - or worse yet - their swim suited rear end for the majority of the time and at fish only when someone shoves you completely under the water while swimming by. This is not a good time. On our second cruise with Dale and Carol, Carol used Cruise Critic to find all-exclusive resorts or beach areas on each of the islands we visited. We would take a cab to the spot Carol picked, pay a small fee in some cases, and spend the day with relatively few other people enjoying the sun, beach and ocean. We didn't feel like herd animals at any time during these trips and no one swam over us in order to see yet another blue fish. We did find that spending too much time at a swim-up bar at an all-inclusive resort can impede your tipping skills, however, so be warned. Cabbies on the islands are apparently forbidden to say, "Hey, this is too much, mon."

Never, ever rent any type of vehicle and attempt to drive around on an island. If you do, you will be smashed, maimed, and looted before you have been on the road for five minutes. There are a few islands that are fairly safe such as Grand Cayman. However, there are some islands where driving is a quick path to an early grave – I’m looking at you, Jamaica. Seriously, there are road signs in Jamaica that say, “Don’t go home dead – stop at stop signs,” with cartoon pictures of motorcycles going over cliffs. If your island needs this type of road sign, something is seriously wrong. We went on a zip line excursion in Jamaica once in which we piled on a bus with a bunch of other cruisers and drove up into the mountains. The bus driver was driving on the left side of the road, as they do in Jamaica, and merged onto another road without slowing down. This was disconcerting because we were not used to merging onto the left side of the road and also because a car was coming right at us at a high rate of speed in the lane we were merging across. A poor lady sitting in the front of the bus screamed as she saw her life flash before her eyes. The bus driver just chuckled as we skimmed by the car with millimeters to spare and said, “You don’t need to be scared unless I scream. That when you be scared.” On the other hand, we were on a bus in Grand Cayman with our children when the bus driver announced in a booming voice, “The first time I saw Jesus…” He then proceeded to fill us in on the multiple times he’s seen Jesus in his lifetime including the time when Jesus was thirty-five feet tall. So I guess you can ride a bus in Grand Cayman or drive a motorcycle in Jamaica and there’s a good chance you’ll see Jesus either way.

Definitely go shopping for liquor on the islands. It costs about half as much there as it does in the U.S. although you are limited to bringing back two liters per person. You can solve this problem, however, by taking your children and your neighbor’s children and some children you find on the way to the cruise terminal with you on the cruise. You can then multiply the two liters by the number of children and bring home enough liquor to intoxicate a small city. Of course, I’m kidding. I would never use my children or anyone else’s as a liquor mule.

You should definitely avoid jewelry shopping after visiting a swim-up bar. It could turn out worse than the tipping failure I mentioned earlier. Jewelry shopping after a swim-up bar is really no different than choosing someone to take home at closing time in a regular bar – you will probably wake up with something that you don’t recognize and that makes you slightly nauseous.

Speaking of nausea, only 1.3% of the people in the world are qualified to wear a bikini (girls) or a speedo (guys). Okay, there are no guys qualified to wear a speedo so just don’t do it. Anyway, statistically the odds are pretty slim that you are one of those people that qualify so the safest course is to skip the bikini or speedo when on the islands… or really anywhere for that matter. I can’t tell you how many overstuffed bikinis we’ve seen on our trips and we are always forced to make snarky comments about these women. We don’t want that to be you so just say no. Besides, who wants to look like a sausage wrapped tightly in twine?

How to Cruise - On the Ship

In honor of our impending cruise upon the brilliant, sparkling waters of the Caribbean, I have decided to share some of the cruising tips and tricks we've learned over the years. The Tiki Gal and I have been on five cruises and Dale and Carol have been on two. On those cruises, we've learned a great deal about what you should and shouldn't do on board the ship and at the ports of call. Hopefully I will be able to use this knowledge to help you avoid the mistakes we've made and get the most out of your cruising experience.

On the Ship

• The first day at sea is a dangerous time for those of you with a light complexion. If you decide to spend that day on the lido deck watching the hairy chest and belly flop contests and climbing in and out of pools and hot tubs, for your own sake, apply sunscreen regularly. On our first cruise, the Tiki Gal and I didn't realize that the Caribbean sun is approximately two-thousand percent more intense than the regular sun and did not reapply sunscreen. We spent three or four hours in the sun having a grand time. When we got back to our stateroom, we realized that we were looking a little pinkish. An hour later, we looked like we had been roasted over a campfire. We used all of the aloe gel we brought with us and most of what was in stock on the ship but I don't think it helped. We were miserable. We couldn't sleep, we couldn't go out in the sun (for fear we would burst immediately into flames), and even showering was painful. Worst of all, we had to dress for a formal dinner while still radiating heat like Chernobyl. Imagine wearing a suit and tie or a long, formal dress (whichever you prefer, I try not to judge) in a sauna turned up to high heat with Icy Hot smeared all over your body while tiny hedgehogs roll around on your skin. If you don't want to experience this feeling, use lots of sunscreen. You'll be glad you did.

• One of the first things you'll notice on the ship is that there are many, many opportunities for you to eat. Actually, if you worked at it you could do nothing but eat all day long. You could spend a few hours at the breakfast buffet, then go to the pizza bar, then to the ice cream bar, then to the lunch buffet, then to the grill for cheeseburgers and fries, then to the sushi bar, then to the coffee shop for a latte and cookies, then to dinner in the dining room, then to the sandwich shop, then to the oriental food bar, then to the midnight buffet, and finally, back in your stateroom, you can order from the room service menu until the breakfast buffet opens once again. I recommend that you not do this for one simple reason: the showers in the staterooms are tiny. Phone booth tiny. If you do nothing but eat all day long you are in imminent danger of outgrowing the shower. Then what are you going to do? You're going to be one smelly tourist, that's what you're going to do. No one likes a smelly tourist so remember to eat in moderation. "Just because it is there" is not a good reason to eat for twenty-four straight hours. Neither is "I paid for it so I'm going to eat it." Just say no. If you don't, your significant other probably will.

• The next danger area on a cruise ship is the casino. You are probably thinking "Of course a casino is dangerous, I could lose all my money!" And while you are correct, this is not the biggest danger you face while gambling. The biggest danger is winning in the casino while all of your traveling companions are losing money faster than GM. Your buddies will start to look at you with envy in their hearts and malice in their eyes. Sometimes this situation can be smoothed over with an offer to buy the next round of drinks or chocolate covered strawberries and you should definitely make this offer. Just remember that you are in the middle of the ocean and it is unlikely anyone would hear the splash when you hit the water.

• You should also beware of folks offering advice while in the casino. On our first cruise with Dale and Carol, a man who may or may not have been drinking told Carol and the Tiki Gal that they should definitely wash their hands after playing the slot machines because someone told him that slot machines were nasty. While this was sound advice, his next tidbit was a little confusing. He was playing a progressive slot machine and the jackpot was around $12,000. He told the girls that the machine wouldn't spit all that money out in quarters because that would be too many quarters. He said that you could figure out how many quarters it would be by multiplying by three. I did notice that the cashiers were eager to make change for this guy.

• Instead of advice on this item, I'm going to make a request. If you happen to find yourself in the karaoke bar with a few cocktails swimming around in your system and you feel the urge to get up on stage and demonstrate your talent, please don't sing anything by Jack Johnson, Garth Brooks, George Strait, Collective Soul, Dwight Yoakam, or anything that Jimmy Buffett has ever done in the past or will ever do in the future. You may think you have a good voice and you may think you can carry a tune and that is fine. Just stay away from the artists I listed above because I don't want to have another one of my favorite songs ruined forever. Based on experiences from our last cruise, I still can't listen to Little Sister or Brown Eyed Girl without breaking down into tears.

• After a day of playing in the pool, watching the sun set across the water, and a romantic dinner followed by dancing in the jazz bar, you and your significant other may feel a little amorous. This is perfectly natural and is a pleasant side effect of cruising. However, please remember that the stateroom walls are really thin. In other words, the people in the next stateroom can hear any sound you make that is louder than normal conversation. Any sound! If you are, um... enthusiastic, everyone around you will know. If you are enthusiastic in the shower, everyone around you will know. Especially, if you are enthusiastic on your balcony where there are only three walls, everyone on that side of the ship will know and they will make up snarky names for you. Be warned!

• When your cruise has ended, if you plan to carry your own luggage off the ship make sure your luggage has wheels. If it doesn't have wheels and it is covered in rough-grained sandpaper, you should definitely let the ship's staff take your luggage off the ship. You will experience less blood loss from the knee area and less ridicule from your so-called friends.

Tune in next time for Part 2 where I make recommendations for your time On the Islands.

This past weekend, Dale and I rated an old favorite.

New Belgium 1554 Black Ale
Color: Black
Skunkiness: 0 skunks
Taste: Smoky and malty with a velvety finish. Grows smoother as it warms.
Comments: A few years ago, we drank 1554 almost every weekend. We ran out and never replenished our supply. I'm glad it is back in my life.
Girl Rating: 5 pints on a scale of 1 or 5
Rating: 4 pints out of 5

Farewell Summer

Since global warming or El Nino or the Nobel Prize Committee has conspired to turn northeastern Oklahoma into Seattle, I'm shivering in the foggy gloom and remembering the hot, bright, shiny days of summer. When I was a kid, it seemed like summer weather lasted from the beginning of May to the middle of October. Now, summer lasts from July 15th to August 15th. Did Oklahoma move north without my knowledge? Did Congress actually compromise on something and cause hell to freeze over? We may never know the answers to these questions but I will always have my summertime memories.

My summer started in April with the yearly trek to Dallas to see Jimmy Buffett in concert. We sat under palm trees, barely escaped from a potential mass murderer on a shuttle bus, and danced the night away with strange women. We really know how to kick summer off in style.

In June, we took the family to Destin for a week of fun on the beach. We went fishing and para-sailing. We went snorkeling in an area where there were more snorkelers than fish. We ate way too much seafood and found the best beer store I've ever seen.

In July and August, we spent the majority of our time around the pool. As I mentioned above, the hot, summertime weather has been compressed into July and August so we had to take advantage while we could. To make our nights as tropical as possible in Oklahoma, we turned on our electric palm tree. I don't know how the neighbors felt about this twinkling bit of wishful thinking but I certainly enjoyed sitting poolside with a cold drink and watching the lights reflect on the water. Besides, my palm tree isn't nearly as annoying as someone playing Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash at high volume in the early morning hours. The neighbors can just deal with it.

Even though it got cool and wet in early August this year, summer ended the same way it started - with a concert. We saw the Peter Mayer Group play at Blueberry Hill in St. Louis and had Fat Tire on tap. We also know how to close down the summer in style.

Farewell, summer. You will be missed but not forgotten.

Some time back, Carol mentioned that she would like a drink based on a candy apple when the weather turned cooler. This past weekend, we invented this drink and named it appropriately.

Carol's Candy Apple
Color: Red
Ingredients: 2.5 oz. pineapple juice, 2.5 oz. cranberry juice, 2 oz. apple rum, 1 oz. cinnamon liqueur, splash of grenadine
Instructions: Shake all ingredients well and serve over ice.
Comments: Just like with a real candy apple, the subtle apple flavors complement the stronger cinnamon flavors well.

Over the last week or two, Dale and I have also had a few beers.

Chimay Grande Reserve
Color: Dark Amber
Skunkiness: 0 skunks
Comments: We didn't actually rate this beer, although it is very good. We will come back to this one in the near future.

Ayinger Oktoberfest
Color: Golden Amber
Skunkiness: 0 skunks
Taste: Hoppy with a smooth, honey flavor. Buttery and well balanced.
Comments: Ayinger Oktoberfest was the Pint Night special at McNellie's this week.
Girl Rating: The girls didn't get to try this one - we don't always share.
Rating: 4 pints out of 5.

Kostritzer Oktoberfest
Color: Amber
Skunkiness: 0 skunks
Taste: Hoppier than the Ayinger Oktoberfest with a hint of caramel. Very fizzy.
Comments: Not quite as good as the Ayinger Oktoberfest.
Girl Rating: 1 on a scale of 1 or 5.
Rating: 3.5 pints.

I didn't take pictures of the beers we got at McNellie's. People would think I was a bit off if I spent the evening taking pictures of pint glasses. My goal is to make sure that only those who know me well think I'm weird.

The Business Plan

This week, the Changes in Latitudes house hunting tour takes us to Belize where we will choose between two beautiful beach houses. In previous installments, we've looked at houses in Grand Cayman, Cozumel and Honduras. In voting so far, the Cozumel compound is still the choice for the future home of the combined Tiki and Dale and Carol families (as well as others who may decide to join us when we go.) However, the houses in Belize are up to the challenge of taking on the Cozumel compound. As always, vote for your favorite in the comments.

The first entry is a Beachfront Villa on Ambergris Caye. It has four bedrooms and three baths in 9,000 square feet. It also includes a pier, a viewing tower, and two boats. With only four bedrooms, you might think this house is not big enough for our large, growing family. As I've said before, I will happily sleep on the viewing tower, in the boat slip, directly on the beach, or up a coconut tree if I can wake up to that view every day.

At $3.75 million, the Beachfront Villa may be at the top of our price range but I have a plan. Since there are boats included in the price of the house, we will just start a snorkeling expedition company. We can take cruise ship passengers out to the reef, let them splash around in the water for a bit, feed them some cheap Margaritas on the way back to shore, and charge them $100 bucks a head for the trip. The Tiki Gal and Carol would make great hostesses because they are "people persons" while Dale and I could drive the boats and haul the snorkeling gear around. As our little snorkeling company expands, we could add a restaurant and bar at the pier. Dale could then provide the musical entertainment in the bar while I mix drinks and we could turn the snorkeling trips over to our children who would be happy to be a part of the family business (that was sarcasm for those of you who don't know our children.) The Tiki Gal and Carol would not be helping much anymore because they would now be spending most of their time in local politics. Or course, it would all end badly when a guest on a snorkeling expedition has one too many Margaritas on the trip back to the pier, rents a moped, and is then involved in a horrible accident involving an iguana and the police chief's overweight mother-in-law. The snorkeling operation and bar would be shut down in response to the public outcry and the girls would be forced to resign from their positions as Mayor and Ambassador to Mexico. Dale and I would end up playing Jimmy Buffett songs on a street corner with a tip jar at our feet while the girls make the rounds on the local talk shows. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

The second house up for consideration is a four bedroom, three bathroom home of 5,000 square feet with a one bed, one bath guest house. It also has a pier but, thankfully, it doesn't come with boats (after the trouble we got into with the last house with boats, we should avoid them at all times.) It is also much cheaper than the other house at just $1.6 million. We wouldn't need to go into any crazy business ventures to... wait, what is that I see in the garage... bicycles, snorkeling gear and a kayak are included. We could take guests on a bicycle tour of the island and then on a small snorkeling trip off the pier while renting the kayak out for trips around the lagoon. As long as we don't get too ambitious this time, it might work. We definitely will not be serving Margaritas to the guests... unless they are Little Girl Margaritas. I think we might be back in business!

Again, vote for your favorite in the comments. Also, if you have any business plans that will keep me off the streets and the Tiki Gal off of Oprah, I would appreciate those as well.

Last weekend, Carol brought over a "borrowed" cocktail recipe. It is called the Malibu Sunset and the recipe follows.

Malibu Sunset

Color: It looks like a sunset.

Ingredients: 3 oz. orange juice, 3 oz. pineapple juice, 2 oz. coconut rum, cranberry juice

Instructions: Shake orange juice, pineapple juice and coconut rum and pour into a hurricane glass over ice. Top with cranberry juice.

Nachi Cocum

Over the past few weeks, I've been thinking about Cozumel more than is healthy. There are a few reasons for my preoccupation. First, we (meaning Dale, Carol, the Tiki Gal and I) are going on a mid-winter cruise that stops in Cozumel and the word excited isn't strong enough to describe my feelings for this upcoming trip. Second, Carol called last week and - maybe in the midst of a tough day - told the Tiki Gal that we needed to invent a drink called the Nachi Cocum in honor of the beach club in Cozumel where we spent Dale's birthday on our last cruise. Never one to turn down the request of a lady, I set to work concocting a drink.

Since this will be Carol's third "first visit" to Cozumel, I knew I had to use the reason for her missing memories – tequila – in the drink. I've written about our first visit to Cozumel in the Spanked with a Noodle post. Our second visit was in the summer of 2008. We were on a cruise but decided to skip the excursions sold by the cruise line and struck out on our own. Carol discovered the Nachi Cocum beach club through Cruise Critic so we decided to give it a try. After disembarking from the ship, we found an available cab. As usually happens when the four of us ride in a cab, I ended up in the front seat. When I sat down next to the cab driver, I noticed something peculiar. There was a portable DVD player sitting on the dash playing the Simpsons in Spanish. Cool, I thought, the cab driver is providing entertainment for his customers. I am so naive sometimes. While the cabbie drove us through town, I noticed that he was only paying cursory attention to the road because he was focusing on the Simpsons. I was starting to get a little worried. Once we got outside of town onto the highway, the cabbie accelerated to near mach speed. This increase in speed, however, didn't impact his Simpsons watching experience. He laughed at the jokes and was genuinely having a good time. Even worse, since we were now catching air each time we went over a bump the DVD player would slide around on the dash when we crashed back to the ground. The cabbie would nonchalantly reach up and slide it back into place each time it moved, focusing whatever minuscule attention he had been using on the road completely on the DVD player. I was now gripping the door handle so tightly that my fingerprints were permanently embedded in the plastic. After nearly running under a truck and wiping out several mopeds, we arrived at Nachi Cocum relatively unscathed. What does this have to do with tequila, you ask? We found that Margaritas will calm you down after watching the Simpsons in Spanish while going 120 km/h in a tiny cab in Cozumel.

Once inside the beach club, we found that it was better than our wildest expectations. It had a full restaurant serving some great food. It had boat and jet ski rentals, para-sailing, snorkeling and banana boating. It had a sarcastic guy that walked around asking to braid your hair. It had thatch huts on the beach to block the sun while you watched the waves roll in. And best of all, it had a swim-up bar. I've mentioned here before that there really isn't much that can top a swim-up bar and Nachi Cocum’s is no exception. We had Margaritas, shots of tequila in honor of Dale's birthday, and the girls had a drink called a Mamasita that I don't remember all that well. Surrounding the pool area, however, I do remember palm trees. In honor of those palm trees, I decided to use coconut rum in the Nachi Cocum cocktail.

After a day at the swim-up bar, we left Nachi Cocum feeling much bubblier than we did when we arrived. (This bubbly feeling occurs each time we leave Cozumel for some reason. It must be the water.) In honor of the bubbly feeling, I put Sprite in the cocktail.

Finally, back on the cruise ship, those of us that are still able to walk always enjoy the beautiful sunset visible over the coast of Mexico. To commemorate the sunset, I used cranberry juice as the base of the drink. The full recipe follows.

Nachi Cocum

Color: Red.

Ingredients: 4 oz. cranberry juice, 1 oz. tequila, 1 oz. coconut rum, Sprite

Directions: Shake the cranberry juice, tequila and rum and pour over ice. Top with Sprite.

Comments: The Nachi Cocum is almost as good as a swim-up bar.

I can’t wait until we are back on the beach at Nachi Cocum but until then, I’ll have to settle for this drink and my somewhat hazy memories.

Lusting in her Heart

This past weekend, the Tiki Gal, Dale, Carol and I went to St. Louis, Missouri to see the Peter Mayer Group perform in the Duck Room at Blueberry Hill. Dale and Carol had introduced us to Peter Mayer's music when we went to the Jimmy Buffett concert in April. Dale had been making jokes all weekend that Carol was going to run off with Peter Mayer if she ever got the chance so we listened to some of his music on the way home. It is entirely different than Jimmy Buffett's music but I thought it was good. I ended up buying his Romeo's Garage CD and have enjoyed listening to it but I never paid much attention to the music or the lyrics. I treated it like background noise while doing other things.

While watching the Peter Mayer Group live on Saturday night in a crowd numbering around one hundred, I had the exact opposite reaction that I had at the Motley Crue concert all those years ago. I could hear the distinct sound of each musical instrument but they all blended beautifully together. Peter did a great job on the vocals, especially on the Beatles songs that he covered, and the entire band seemed genuinely excited to be there (even the bass player who was not feeling well.) Better yet, the band played with only one break for over three hours. In that time, there were only two mistakes. I know this because Peter Mayer stopped the band after both of them and made them do it again. If Motley Crue had stopped after each mistake, I'd still be sitting in the Myriad today with some scary, smelly people.

I bought Peter Mayer's Still In One Peace CD at the concert and listened to it when I got home. The songs are good and I enjoyed it but I don't think it is as good as the live music we saw on Saturday night. Part of my preference for the live event is, I'm sure, due to the small venue, being with my wife and friends, and being able to watch the musicians while they play. The other part of my preference is I think some acts are just better live. We saw Collective Soul in a smaller venue a few years ago and I thought they were better live as well. However, Dale and I saw Shinedown live and our ears still have not recovered. The moral to this story is: go see Peter Mayer and Collective Soul if you get a chance.

Here are a few other random thoughts from the weekend.

• R. Scott Bryan played a few songs before the Peter Mayer Group came on stage. During his first song, the Tiki Gal and I noticed an obviously intoxicated woman either dancing or doing Tai chi (it was hard to tell which) in a corner of the room. We chuckled and turned our attention back to the music. A few songs later, the drunk, dancing woman climbed onto the stage and attempted to seduce Scott Bryan while we all watched. It would have been funny if it hadn't been so sad. She was led, carefully, off the stage and she then tried to seduce - in a very obvious manner - a guy who was keeping her from going back on the stage. Eventually, she was evicted from the premises. This is the kind of person that shows up wherever I am. Carol has even considered ending our friendship to get away from these folks - seriously.

• Peter Mayer has a huge thumb nail that he uses instead of a guitar pick. Carol, although still infatuated with Peter, has some trepidations about this grooming habit.

• The Duck Room had New Belgium's Fat Tire on tap. Live music and one of our favorite beers on tap. Life doesn't get much better than that.

• The bass player was really getting into the music and he danced around with a lot of hip action. The lady next to Carol admitted she was lusting for him in her heart.

• Maggie Estes was incredible on the violin. We were surprised to find out she is only nineteen, has been with the band since she was fifteen, and is now in college majoring in music.

• Peter did a solo version of Strawberry Fields Forever that was amazing. I'll be buying his upcoming Beatles cover album in hopes that this song will be there.

• On our way home, we stopped in a store in Cuba, Missouri hoping to find Fat Tire to bring home. We had never seen a store quite like this one. The guns were stocked right beside the whiskey. You could also get fishing bait, beef jerky, and, luckily for us, Fat Tire. We were all stocked up on guns and fishing bait so we passed on those.

• And finally, in the "someone has too much time on their hands" department, we stopped at a McDonald's for a bathroom break. Apparently, someone thought it must be too mentally taxing for us homo sapiens to get our hands wet in a sink, squirt soap on our hands from a dispenser, rinse our hands back in the sink, and then dry our hands at a dryer on the wall. Since we aren't bright enough to handle these seemingly simple tasks, this McDonald's had an all in one machine to do the job. You put your hands into a hole in the machine and it automatically squirted water on your hands, then theoretically squirted soap (Dale and I don't think we got any soap), then squirted more water and finally blew your hands dry. Was this really a problem that McDonald's needed to solve? Shouldn't they be working on a way to make decent, cheap food that won't inflate you like the Goodyear Blimp?

Fruitcakes

This past weekend, Dale and Carol over to the Tiki Hut for dinner and cards. The girls wanted me to surprise them with a drink so I made Fruitcakes. You may recall that we invented the Fruitcake late one evening after we'd already had a drink or two so I forgot to take a picture for the blog. This time I didn't forget.

Fruitcake

Color: Ruby red

Ingredients: 5 oz. cranberry juice, 2 oz. pineapple rum, 1 oz. Cointreau

Taste: Carol said, "It tastes like an orange cranberry muffin in liquid form."

Comments: The Fruitcake was even better than I remembered. It isn't nearly as fruity as you would expect based on the ingredients.

Dale and I also had a few beers.

Pacifico

Color: Gold

Skunkiness: 0 skunks

Taste: Smooth and refreshing. Well balanced. More character than most cervezas.

Comments: While Pacifico isn't the best beer we've ever had, it is a great summertime beer. We could drink many of these while sitting on a beach (or anywhere else, really.)

Carol Rating: 1 on a scale of 1 or 5. The girls are not fans of hoppy beers.

Rating: 3.5 pints

Westmalle Dubbel

Color: Dark amber

Skunkiness: 0 skunks

Taste: Really hoppy for a dark beer. Very fizzy and slight fruity taste.

Comments: We were really surprised that this double bock was hoppy. Every other double bock we've tried has been malty.

Carol Rating: 1. Again, the girls don't like hoppy beers.

Rating: 3.5 pints.

I’ve had another busy week so I’m making this post short and sweet. Just like the Tiki Gal.

Back from the Dead

In the immortal words of Mark Twain, "The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." As you may have noticed, I've been on a hiatus for the last few weeks. I would like to report that I was on an island in the Caribbean looking at promising spots for the Tiki Bar, but I wasn't. I would even be happy reporting that I was just on an island in the Caribbean, but I wasn't. Unfortunately, I have to report that my work life interfered with my real life to the point that it impacted my digital life. In short, I had a big project at work that took up an inordinate amount of my time over the last few weeks. I try not to let this happen very often because, when I'm old, I don't think I'll look back over my life and think, "You know, I wish I'd spent just a few more hours on that project at work." Instead, I plan to look back and think, "You know, I wish I hadn't had that third margarita at the beach party last night - I went to the bathroom more often than a supermodel at a buffet." (Calm down supermodels, I'm just kidding.)

I did find some time to concoct a new drink while I wasn't working on my spreadsheet skills. The Tiki Gal is a big fan of Creme Brulee so I wanted to capture those flavors in a cocktail. I searched my recipe books and the Internet and didn't find exactly what I wanted so I decided to invent something myself. I discovered a recipe for the actual Creme Brulee dessert and found that it contains a vanilla bean simmered in heavy cream, vanilla sugar and egg yolks. I used deductive reasoning to determine that the egg yolks are probably there to make the custard part of the dessert custardy, thus they wouldn't be required in the cocktail. (Besides, I'm pretty sure the Tiki Gal and Carol would object to a cocktail containing raw egg yolks.) That just leaves the cream, the vanilla bean and the vanilla sugar.

Since my preparation time is usually limited, I decided to substitute some ingredients so that I wouldn't have to simmer a vanilla bean in heavy cream. I decided to use half and half instead of the cream (less calories and fat) and vanilla liqueur instead of the vanilla bean. Also, instead of using raw sugar I used simple syrup because it mixes better in cocktails, especially cold ones, than the raw sugar does. I needed a liquor that would give the drink some alcoholic content but wouldn't add any flavoring so I used vodka. And finally, Dale and Carol had mentioned Frangelico a few weeks before so I bought some the last time I was at Bubbles, our friendly neighborhood liquor store. Frangelico has a nice, hazelnut taste but it is fairly strong so I decided to use just a splash in my Creme Brulee cocktail. With all the ingredients ready, I mixed one for the Tiki Gal. She seemed to like it but wasn't overly excited so I think I have more work to do.

Creme Brulee Cocktail

Appearance: Looks a bit like Creme Brulee.

Ingredients: 3 oz. half and half, 3 oz. simple syrup, 1 oz. vodka, 1 oz. vanilla liqueur, splash of Frangelico, brown sugar

Instructions: Pour the liquid ingredients in a blender with one cup of ice. Mix until smooth and pour into a margarita glass. Sprinkle brown sugar over

the top to give the appearance of caramelized sugar.

Taste: It tastes a little like Creme Brulee.

Dale and Carol came to the Tiki Hut last weekend for cards. Dale brought a new beer and a collection of old favorites so we decided to try the new beer first.

Jenlain Ambree

Color: Dark golden

Skunkiness: 0 skunks

Taste: Smoky and malty with hints of honey. As it warms,

more hoppiness is apparent.

Comments: This beer is the first French beer I've tasted. It reminded me of Fat Tire, although not quite as good.

Carol Rating: 5 pints on a scale of 1 or 5. The girls thought it was better than a 1 but they weren't excited about it. They are quite the dark beer snobs these days.

Rating: 3.75 pints out of 5.

We also had a shot - aptly named by Dale - that was inspired by the Irish Car Bomb we had earlier in the summer.

Irish Car Bomb Interior

Ingredients: 1 oz. Bailey's Irish Cream, 1 oz. Jameson Irish Whiskey

Taste: Creamy and smooth.

Comments: It was a tough week at work. Don't judge.

Finally, I'd like to report that the house in Cozumel won the vote by a landslide in the last installment of the Changes in Latitudes House Hunt contest. The newest entry is a lovely three bedroom, three bath home in Roatan, Honduras. It has granite counter tops and other nice features but who cares. Look at that overlook deck in the pictures. Do you really need anything else? Actually, I wouldn't even need the house. Put a cot and a lantern on that deck and I'll improvise for any other needs that may arise. This house is also much cheaper than any of the other choices so far at just $775K. Of course, it is in Honduras and the U.S. just cut all non-humanitarian support for that country because of the military coup that occurred there this summer. But like I always say, a little martial law never hurt anyone... as long as you have a stunning view of the beach.

Use the comments area to vote for your favorite between the family compound in Cozumel and the Roatan house with the overlook deck. Whichever house wins could be up against this beach cottage in the next round. Or maybe not.

What Are The Odds?

Last Saturday night, the Tiki Gal and I joined Dale and Carol at their house to listen to the Jimmy Buffett concert on Radio Margaritaville and play cards. We were surprised to see that Dale and Carol had decorated for the occasion and were even wearing special clothes. As a matter of fact, Dale liked his grass skirt so much that he wore it all evening (much to the chagrin of his children, I think.)

We started out the evening with shots for the girls. Ever since Dale and I tried the Irish Car Bomb, I've been thinking about shots that were tame enough for the Tiki Gal and Carol. My first attempt is the Pina Colada Shot. It is really simple.

Pina Colada Shot

Color: Clear

Ingredients: 1/2 oz. pineapple rum, 1/2 oz. coconut rum

Taste: Tastes like a Pina Colada

Comments: I don't think the girls enjoyed the shots nearly as much as Dale and I enjoyed watching them try to drink them quickly. If I had to guess, I'd say they haven't had much experience slamming shots.

Since we were listening to a Buffett concert, we had to have margaritas so I mixed up two batches. The girls have a little trouble at times with more than one of my regular margaritas so I've started making Little Girl Margaritas for them. I follow the normal recipe but use five ounces of sweet and sour and one ounce of tequila instead of the usual four ounces and two ounces. The regular margaritas have now been renamed Big Boy Margaritas to distinguish them from the Little Girl Margaritas.

With drinks in hand and Buffett on the radio, we played cards for the first time in a long time. Of course, we play cards simply to occupy our hands while we talk and before long Carol had mentioned that she had forgotten to buy a lottery ticket. I told her that I had remembered to buy some so we were covered. Apparently, Carol wasn't convinced that if I happened to win more than $100 million, I would share with her so she wrote up a binding contract on our score sheet. I was only too happy to sign the contract because of several reasons. First, I am not exactly a lucky person as I've recounted in this blog many times. Lucky people do not become the unwitting dirty dancing partner of big lunch ladies, find themselves iced in an airport for three days - in Dallas, or get thrown out of a tube by a female lifeguard half his weight. Second, if by some chance I did win the lottery, I would scorch the carpet on my way to the phone to resign from my job. Since I would then have nothing to occupy my days, I'd definitely need Dale to be at home as well so we could take up hobbies such as deep sea fishing, snorkeling and yachting. Did I mention we would all be living on an island somewhere in the Caribbean? That would be a tough commute for Dale if he didn't retire as well. Therefore, I would share my winnings with Dale and Carol even without the binding contract and I'm sure they would do the same for me. Just in case, however, I need to work up a contract of my own...

All of the talk about the lottery made me curious, however. I knew that the odds of winning the lottery are only slightly better if you buy a ticket than if you don't but I was wondering just how remote those odds really are. I found that there is a 1 in 146,107,962 chance that you will win the Powerball lottery jackpot. You actually have a better chance of thinking you saw a UFO at 1 in 7 than winning the Powerball jackpot. You also have a better chance of writing a New York Times bestseller at 1 in 220. I was extremely interested to learn that there is a better chance of you being a nudist at 1 in 6,000 than winning the lottery. Along those same lines, there is a better chance at 1 in 10,000 that you will be injured by a toilet this year. If you manage to avoid the toilet, there is a 1 in 88,000 chance that you will date a supermodel and a 1 in 500,000 chance that you will be killed by a tsunami - most likely five minutes after you begin dating the supermodel. And finally, at 1 in 6,000,000 there is a better chance you will die due to a shark attack than that you will win the lottery.The odds of dying from a shark attack while talking to your nudist supermodel girlfriend on the phone about your UFO encounter bestseller from a toilet during a tsunami are hard to calculate but they are probably about the same as winning the lottery.

Don't despair, however. There is a better chance that you will win the lottery than that you are allergic to water - 1 in 230,000,000 - and that you will die from measles - 1 in 300,000,000. On the other hand, if you break out in hives after your next shower or start getting a sore throat, you might want to consider buying a lottery ticket.

Sometime during this conversation, the Jimmy Buffett concert had just gotten to the encores when the Sirius website went offline for maintenance. Dale was not pleased. He was seriously considering jumping in the car and driving to Sirius headquarters to voice his displeasure. Luckily for those Sirius folks, Dale didn't know where to find Sirius headquarters so he had another margarita instead. I think we could solve this whole health care debate with a few strategically placed margaritas.

The girls had finished their margaritas and were intrigued with the pineapple rum I had just purchased. Carol mentioned that she really likes orange cranberry muffins so we created a new drink on the spot. I forgot to take a picture of it, probably because I had drank a few Big Boy Margaritas at this point, but I promise to post a picture the next time I make it.

Fruitcake

Color: Red

Ingredients: 5 oz. cranberry juice, 2 oz. pineapple rum, 1 oz. Cointreau

Taste: Carol said, "It tastes like an orange cranberry muffin in liquid form."

Comments: I was surprised that the Fruitcake was any good because my first attempts rarely are. I thought maybe my luck was changing but the next morning I found that I had only gotten one number right out of thirty in the Powerball drawing. That's how my luck is supposed to go. The Fruitcake is good but I don't think it will ever make me $100 million.

At this point in the evening, things might have gotten a bit silly. Dale told us about a conversation he had with a coworker. He asked her innocently enough, "How's it going?" and she told him. She was having some dental trouble but the dentist wanted to charge her too much money to pull her tooth. She then demonstrated her previous dental work by pulling out a false tooth and showing it to Dale. This would be funny enough on its own but this was actually not the first time a lady had whipped a tooth out in Dale's presence. We were playing cards a few years ago when an unexpected visitor dropped in. She was in her bath robe and was carrying a bottle of wine. She pulled up a chair, had a glass of wine, and talked with us while we played cards. She was in the middle of a sentence when, like a jack-in-the-box, her tooth came flying out of her mouth and landed on the table in front of her. It bounced a few times and then came to rest. We all looked at the tooth and then we looked at her. She was a little embarrassed but not as much as you might think. She put her tooth in a baggie and put it in the pocket of her robe for safekeeping (also, she might have been naked under the robe) The whole experience was surreal. Anyway, Dale decided he would rather have seen the robe come off than see his coworker pull her tooth out again. I shudder to think how bad that coworker tooth experience must have been for poor Dale.

Until next time, I plan on becoming a nudist and avoiding toilets. If you see me with a supermodel, however, please keep it to yourself. We don't want the Tiki Gal to find out.

Odds Sources: Veegle, http://money.aol.com/insurance/what-are-the-odds

Changes in Latitude

Dale, Carol, the Tiki Gal and I had dinner at McNellie's on Monday evening and dessert at The Chalkboard. During the evening, our conversation touched on the fact that we all needed a change in latitude. Therefore, in preparation for our migration to a warmer climate I've decided to do some research to determine the best place for our combined families to live. Here, then, is the first in a series of entries that will determine the location and home we hope to occupy at some point in the future.

Our first candidate is a lovely home on Grand Cayman. This six bedroom, six-and-a-half bath

home is close to shopping and public transportation. It has a microwave and is on city water. Oh, and one other little thing... it has a private beach. I can imagine waking up every morning and drinking coffee on the patio while watching the waves gently crashing on the shore. Now in order to afford this home at a reduced price of $8.9 million, I will need to take it easy on the coffee because I will be selling my kidneys as well as most of my other body parts but, come on, look at that beach. It will be well worth it.

Also, living on Grand Cayman will be a blast because we can get season tickets to the turtle farm (sorry Dale, I just couldn't resist.)

The second candidate is twice the size of the Grand Cayman home at a third of the price. This home is located in Cozumel, totals over ten thousand square feet and only costs $2.6 million. It consists of nine bedrooms spread over a compound of four buildings. The main residence has four bedrooms, four bathrooms, a study, the kitchen, a living room and a dining room. The guest villa has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, a living room and a dining room. The guest bungalow has two bedrooms, two baths and a kitchenette. And finally, the servant's

quarters has a bedroom and bathroom, a kitchen and a terrace. Whew! I think we would all have plenty of room to live there. We would also have enough room to start a commune. The beach doesn't look quite as nice as the one at the Grand Cayman house but the price is much easier to live with. I might be able to keep an appendage or two if we choose this one.

So now that you've seen the choices, use the comments section to vote for your favorite and explain why you chose that house because only well thought out votes will count. I'm not selling body parts based on the flip of a coin.

Careful consideration is required here because each island has its own charms and dangers. For instance, Cozumel is arguably more fun than Grand Cayman but that may be because the drink of choice in Cozumel is tequila. There is a danger that we won't remember anything that happens after noon for the rest of our lives if we move to Cozumel. On the other hand, the food in Cozumel seems to be considerably better than on Grand Cayman and everyone drives on the right side of the road instead of the wrong (left) side. I would give up a few memories for good food.

Over the course of this last weekend, Dale and I also drank some beer.

Augustiner Munich Maximator

Color: Black

Skunkiness: 0 skunks

Taste: Sweet and malty with tastes of honey and toffee.

Comments: This was the last of the beer I brought back from Florida and, apparently, we saved the best for last. We do enjoy our double bocks and this was as good as any we've had.

Carol Rating: 5 on a scale of 1 or 5.

Rating: 4.5 pints.

Peroni

Color: Very light gold. Peroni is practically transparent.

Skunkiness: 0 skunks

Taste: A little hoppy. A typical light colored beer.

Comments: Peroni doesn't have a lot of character although it is not objectionable. Carol was underwhelmed. Dale and I would drink it if it was free.

Carol Rating: 1

Rating: 3 pints

Feeling Wicked

The Tiki Gal and I joined Dale and Carol last night for dinner and Wicked, the musical. Carol did a masterful job of coordinating the evening, as always. The restaurant was very good and our seats at the show were great. If she ever decides to go into business as a travel planner, the Tiki Gal and I will be her biggest customers.

We started out with dinner at The Chalkboard in Tulsa. The restaurant is located in the Ambassador hotel and has been in business since the 1970s. The dinner was excellent and the Tiki Gal was excited to find out that Creme Brulee was on the menu for dessert. I think she would walk across a pit of fire for a good creme brulee and The Chalkboard serves a good one. We also found out that they serve Chimay White and that it may be on tap so I, for one, might be making another visit soon.

I wasn't sure what to expect from the musical. I read the book a few years ago and enjoyed it (I also read all of Gregory Maguire's other novels as well) but I didn't know how the story would translate to the theater. It turns out that it translated very well. The actress that played Elpheba was an amazing singer and the actress that played Galinda with a silent Guh stole every scene she was in. I gave it 4.5 pints out of 5 and there was not a hint of skunkiness.

This past weekend, our friends came over to the Tiki Hut and we had drinks and beer in the clear summer night. It turns out that our neighbors were also having friends over. They had apparently started in on the beer quite a bit earlier than we did because they cranked up the stereo for Fun, Fun, Fun by the Beach Boys and Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash. I'm pretty sure that those two songs have never been cranked up at the same party before in all of history. I wanted to crank up some Beethoven to complete the bizzaro triumvirate but didn't have the amplification to pull it off. Instead, we decided to have some drinks. The girls started out with Margaritas and then (since I ran out of Sweet and Sour mix) switched to Coco Cabanas. The recipes follow since I haven't posted these in quite some time.

A Really Good Margarita

Ingredients: 4 oz. Sweet and Sour Mix, 2 oz. tequila, 1 oz. Cointreau, 1 oz. brandy

Instructions: Put all ingredients in a shaker with ice and shake well. Pour into a salt rimmed Margarita glass over ice and serve. For a frozen Margarita, pour all contents into a blender with 1 cup ice and blend well.

Comments: For the girls, I have learned to use 5 ounces of Sweet and Sour and 1 ounce of tequila. That way, they can have more than one Margarita and still stay upright. I call it the Little Girl Margarita.

Coco Cabana

Color: Red

Ingredients: 3 oz. orange juice, 3 oz. cranberry juice, 1 oz. coconut rum, 1 oz. Amaretto

Instructions: Shake well and serve over ice.

Taste: Delicate coconut and fruit flavors.

Comments: The girls had already had Margaritas so I'm not sure how much of the Coco Cabana they really tasted.

Dale brought over a collection of new beers to try. The ratings follow.

Marshall McNellie's Pub Ale

Color: Amber

Skunkiness: 0 skunks

Taste: Malty with a slight caramel taste. The extreme

bitterness of this beer overrides all the other flavors, however. It also had an unpleasant finish.

Comments: I really wanted to like this beer because it is brewed in Tulsa and is named after our favorite pub. Unfortunately, it was so bitter that we contemplated not finishing it. Of course, we did finish it. It is beer after all.

Carol Rating: 1 on a scale of 1 or 5.

Rating: 2 pints out of 5

Samuel Smith Taddy Porter

Color: Black like coffee

Skunkiness: 0 skunks

Taste: Smoky, malty and peaty.

Comments: The girls decided once again that they are fans of dark beers like this Taddy Porter. They decide this each time they have a dark beer, I think. This beer also joins our chosen few at the top of the rankings.

Carol Rating: 5

Rating: 4.5 pints

Guiness Anniversary Stout

Color: Black

Skunkiness: 0 skunks

Taste: Well balanced blend of hops and malts. Smooth and rich.

Comments: I like this Anniversary Stout better than the original Guinness Stout.

Carol Rating: 5

Rating: 4 pints