A Fist Full of Dollars

The best way to tell if you had a good time over the weekend is to gauge how tired you are on Monday evening. I'm at about a seven on a ten-point fatigue scale right now. The Tiki Gal and I had a great time with Dale and Carol at the Jimmy Buffett concert this past weekend. In fact, we had such a good time that its going to take at least four or five blog entries to tell about it. This entry will concentrate on the concert because, after all, that was the focus of the weekend. Forthcoming entries will describe an interesting shuttle experience, my new found realization that I'm the star of a Truman Show knockoff, the travelling Tiki Bar and Parrothead Bay, 

and the unexpected pleasure of sipping drinks beneath a row of palm trees in a shopping district in Frisco, Texas. But first, the main event.

We arrived at Pizza Hut Park in Frisco about an hour before the concert was to start. After buying commemorative shirts, we started looking for beer. We found a Land Shark booth, and based on past experiences with concert margaritas, the girls decided they would have Land Shark Lagers as well. It was a big moment for all of us when the girls were handed their very own cups of overpriced beer. It was such a big moment that we had to take pictures.

With beers in hand we decided to walk around for a bit before making our way to our seats. It is always fun to check out what folks are wearing. For instance, this guy was in full Jack Sparrow costume. We found some empty seats at the top of the stadium and sat and watched the sights while we drank our beers. The following pictures show the stage and the still mostly empty

 stadium and Dale's feet.

 

Once Dale and I finished our Land Sharks, we bought some really overpriced Dos Equis at a Beers of the World stand that we had noticed while wandering around. The Dos Equis were better than the Land Sharks but we didn't do an official rating. We need more controlled conditions to properly rate a beer than the concert experience would allow. Also, we had downed a margarita before leaving the hotel so we weren't in prime rating condition. Anyway, with fresh beers in hand (the girls were still working on the last three-quarters of their Land Sharks) we made our way down to the field to find our seats. Carol did her usual outstanding job of arranging our trip so we had seats on row twenty of one of the sections closest to the stage. Even better, we were right on the aisle. I had seat number four as you can see here.

As we waited for the concert to start, we talked to the security guard who spent the entire concert in the aisle beside us. She was a real hoot with many good stories to tell. One of the time honored traditions of Buffett concerts is that many people bring beach balls to bat around before and during the concert. As the stadium started to fill, the beach balls started to fly. Someone broke out the biggest beach ball I've ever seen but the security team snatched it pretty quickly. I guess they were afraid it was so big it could injure someone. Or they just really wanted a huge ball.

While the balls were bouncing, we noticed a woman of middling years coming down the aisle with her husband or boyfriend. She was wearing a bikini top that was about three sizes too small so she was as overexposed as Zac Efron. As she made her way down a row just ahead of us, a lady told her she was falling out of her top. She responded by flashing her boob at the lady and everyone else in a two mile radius. Somehow, I missed this sight. Based on the reaction of the guy in front of me, however, I was the lucky one. I was afraid he was going to be sick. (Just a small rant... Have you ever noticed that once women reach a certain age, their desire to wear inappropriate clothing is inversely proportional to how good they actually would look in that clothing? This phenomenon is most apparent on cruises, Caribbean beaches, and at Jimmy Buffett concerts. Not that guys are any better. Pregnant men in Speedos are not good for your digestion either.)

Finally, Jimmy took the stage. He put on an excellent show, as usual, with a good mix of new songs and old favorites. He played a few songs that aren't yet on albums such as A Lot to Drink About, Surfing in a Hurricane, and Summer School (or SummerZcool like the tour name?) Of course, he also played Margaritaville, Cheeseburger in Paradise, and Fins. I can't imagine there is a better concert experience in the world than doing fins to the left, fins to the right with a stadium full of happy Parrotheads. The Tiki Gal and I have been to see Buffett in Dallas the last four years in a row, three of those with Dale and Carol, and I think this year was the best overall concert of the four. Carol has seen nine Buffett concerts and Dale has seen at least sixteen if not more and they said this was one of the better ones as well. What a treat to get to see a guy doing what he loves, not because he has to but just because he wants to. I think Jimmy may be on to something.

During the concert, a couple of odd things happened and, of course, they happened to me. First, a middle-aged lady of some size danced her way down the aisle and took up residence next to Dale. She was there for quite a while before the security guard told her to find her seat. It just so happens that her seat was on the other end of our row so she squeezed past Dale, Carol and then the Tiki Gal. The rows weren't very wide so it was a tight fit even though we were all standing (you don't sit at a Buffett concert.) When she got to me, I backed up until my knees were right up against my chair and tried to let her squeeze past. Unfortunately for me, she had another idea. She stopped directly in front of me and proceeded to practice her Dirty Dancing routine on me. I was shocked, astonished, nauseated and flabbergasted all at once. I looked over at the Tiki Gal and saw that she was also shocked but there was also quite a bit of amusement in her expression. Carol wasn't bothering with shock at all. She just went straight to hysterical fits of laughter. I had no idea what to do. This lady was grinding against me like her life depended on it and I didn't even have a dollar for her. Afterwards, Dale said he would have started grabbing body parts to even the score. I have to admit that, at the time, this never crossed my mind. Maybe it was because she resembled all the lunch ladies I ever had at school rolled into one. All I could do was hold on and hope she finished soon... and hope a hot shower would wash away that feeling of being defiled.

A little while later as I lay whimpering in a puddle, another older lady of some size came dancing down the aisle and, once again, sidled up next to Dale. Again, the security guard told her to find her seat and guess who had an empty seat right next to him. That's right, it was me. She squeezed her way down the row and while I was traumatized by flashbacks, went right on past me. Since she hadn't openly groped me, I thought maybe she would be okay as a neighbor. I'm sad to say that she was a big, big Buffett fan, however, and she insisted on dancing to the songs. Her dancing consisted of draping herself across my back and swaying to the music. This wasn't as bad as the grinding routine from earlier, but it was still a little unsettling. After a while, it was also very warm - she was generating some body heat. Luckily, intermission hit and we got to sit down. Not so luckily, she took up her seat and a good portion of mine. I tried to compensate by shifting toward the Tiki Gal and so I ended up sitting on the crack between my chair and hers. Not a comfortable position, I have to admit. Once the intermission was over, my two-hundred ounces of overpriced beer was needing to hit the exits so I happily sprinted out of there to spend some quality time in the restroom. When I got back to my row, I was not disappointed to find that my seatmate had disappeared. Strangely, she never came back. Where did she go? Maybe she and the grinder met up. I hope so - they deserved each other.

After the encore and the lights came up, we made our way out of the arena with hopes that Jimmy would keep coming back at least a few more years. And next year, I'm bringing a fist full of dollar bills.