Spanked With a Noodle

As I’ve mentioned previously, we’ve had some interesting experiences in Cozumel. For instance, Carol didn’t think she liked margaritas until our first cruise. 

After visiting Playa Maya for lunch as described in the Banana Boat Blunder entry, we hopped back on our snorkeling excursion boat for the run back into town. The snorkeling guides broke out the refreshments including a five gallon jug of margaritas. The other drink choices weren’t quite as appealing – or alcoholic – so Carol decided she’d try a margarita. Then she thought she’d try another. And another. And just like Sam who did like green eggs and ham, Carol did like margaritas.

The snorkeling guides turned out to be great party hosts as well. They cranked up some Caribbean party music and one of them twisted up a towel into a hat that, when worn, looked exactly like Princess Leia’s hair in Star Wars. Two of the guides then came out with a shot glass, a bottle of apple soda, a bottle of tequila and a short swimming noodle – you know, those flotation noodles kids play with in the swimming pool. The guide would fill the shot glass halfway with tequila, top it off with the apple soda, put his hand over the top and slam it down on the rail to mix it up. Once you had downed the shot, he would – this only works on a boat in the Caribbean – if you were a guy, fondle your boobs, tell you to bend over, and then give you a whack on the rear with the noodle. For the girls, he faked the fondling of the boobs but everything else was the same.  This little game started with the girl immediately next to me. She drank the shot, got her whack and the guide moved on to me. Using the exact same shot glass, I then had my turn. Then the Tiki Gal, Dale and Carol. Then everyone else on the boat who wanted to participate. And then he made a second round (and a third and fourth for our little group.) All using the same shot glass. Does this happen anywhere except in that situation? Can you imagine going to a football game and sharing a soda with everyone on your row? Not to mention tweaking the boobs of the guy next to you after each drink and then whacking him on the rear with a noodle. At the time, however, it was mucho fun.

Sometime between her second margarita and the apple soda shooters, Carol started telling people on the boat that we were going shopping for diamonds. Actually, this became Carol’s conversation starter. “Hey, we’re going to shop for diamonds.” So, back at the pier, we took a cab to the shopping area. We spent some time in our favorite shop in Cozumel, Los Cinco Soles, and then went to the jewelry stores. We spent quite a bit of time looking at jewelry and eventually settled on a few things. The Tiki Gal and I paid for our purchase but Dale and Carol were having some trouble with theirs. Unfortunately, it was getting to be late in the day and the cruise ship we had arrived on would be leaving in about thirty minutes. The Tiki Gal started to get worried. Very worried, indeed.

A little explanation is required here to understand the Tiki Gal’s feelings. On our previous cruises, we’d been told many times that when the departure time came, the ship would leave the port whether you were on it or not. We had, in fact, almost seen this happen in Cozumel a few years before. We were back on the ship early that day and as the departure time neared, we kept hearing an announcement over the ship’s intercom system asking for a couple of passengers to check in if they were on board. We went out on our balcony to watch the departure, and since we were on the pier side, we had a good view of what happened next. The ship staff began loading up the walkways and removing the tie-lines. Just as the boat began to move, we saw a man and woman at the far end of the pier, arms loaded with bags, running toward the ship. These were obviously the people who were being asked to check in on the announcements. Everyone who was watching from the ship started cheering them on as they ran. As the ship started to move, the man threw down his bags and really started sprinting leaving the woman far behind – what a noble guy. Luckily for them, the ship’s staff saw them running and the captain held his position so that they could jump on (literally, they had to jump across a small gap between the ship and the pier.) They were infamous among the passengers for the rest of the trip due to their mad dash.

Because of this, and due to the fact that if you miss the ship you are responsible for travel arrangements to the next port, the Tiki Gal was worried about missing the ship. The jewelry shop was at least a ten minute cab ride from the pier so we went and caught a cab while Dale and Carol were finishing up. Sitting in the back of the cab with the Tiki Gal while waiting on Dale and Carol, I seriously thought she was going to hyperventilate. Her breathing was shallow and fast and she was very pale. As the minutes ticked away, her agitation increased. Finally, Dale and Carol finished and off we went. The cab driver was awesome. He must have broken every traffic law on our way to the pier: speeding, running stop signs and red lights, failure to yield, hit-and-run of a pedestrian (just kidding - nothing can be proved anyway.)

When we got to the pier, we only had a few minutes at most to make it to the ship so we started running. The pier is very long so we did a lot of running and the people along the pier had many chances to make snide comments. One guy told the Tiki Gal and Carol they could stay with him if they didn’t make the ship. The longer we ran, the more I decided that jogging is a bad idea in flip-flops, first of all, but even a worse idea in flip-flops after drinking large quantities of margaritas and apple shooters. As we neared the ship, we could hear our fellow passengers cheering us on. We made it just in time. We were the last passengers on the ship and they pulled the gangway up right behind us. The Tiki Gal had a small nervous breakdown but I think that was a small price to pay to learn that Carol does enjoy margaritas.