Freak of Nature

As I go about my daily business, I'm frequently asked, "Tiki Man, how did you choose the name Rogue Wave Tiki Bar?" I always answer the same way. "That is an extremely good question. Let me answer it by telling you a little story."

In the summer of '08, the Tiki Gal and I went on a cruise with Dale and Carol. As wives are rumored to do, Carol asked Dale to do her a favor by picking up some bottled water to take on the ship. Dale, as husbands are rumored to do, wanted to please Carol as best he could so he purchased the super duper case of thirty extra large sixteen ounce bottles. If you've never carried a super duper case of extra large water bottles for a short distance, it is very heavy. Fortunately, Dale didn't have to carry the case of water for a short distance. Unfortunately, he had to carry it approximately 7.3 miles. And this is where his trouble began.

Dale and I dropped the girls off at the entrance to the cruise terminal in Galveston, Texas along with all of our luggage except for a few carry-on bags and the case of water. We then drove a short distance away and parked the car in a secured lot and grabbed the rest of our gear. We each had a backpack and a couple of carry-on bags. And Dale had the case of water. I manged to wrestle the carry-on bags away but Dale insisted on carrying the water as we made our way to the shuttle bus that would take us back to the cruise terminal. Once on the bus, we packed ourselves into a seat with the backpacks and carry-on bags and then Dale held the water in his lap. I could swear the bus was leaning heavily to the side we were sitting on, most likely due to the weight of the water. Of course, as soon as we had gotten packed into our seats, the Tiki Gal called me on my cell phone which was in the pocket of my shorts. Under the bags and water. I was able to dislocate my shoulder and snag the phone just in time to hear my wonderful wife ask me, "Where are you?" I'm wondering where she thought we were? Gnome, Alaska? London, maybe? The local Hooters?

Anyway, the bus dropped us off at the terminal and we discovered a sneaky secret the cruise companies are trying to keep from us. They know that the majority of the cruisers are going to gain between two and thirty-two pounds eating all of the food that is served on the ship. Some people are unhappy about this weight gain and may, therefore, blame this on the cruise line and decide to vacation in less tempting spots in the future. To counter this weight gain, the cruise line has created a near marathon length line for you to wait in, walk along, and occasionally, cry over. As we started off, Dale was doing fine. He was carrying his three metric tons of water with only a few beads of perspiration glistening on his forehead. As the line continued, however, Dale's back began to bend under the weight. Finally, we reached one of those zig-zagging roped off crowd corrals that cruise lines and amusement parks use to keep an orderly line from turning into a milling herd. Dale was really glistening at this point and his arms had grown four inches longer so he put the case of water on the floor and kicked it along. The other passengers were more amused by this than Dale, I think. Also, he now had a dislocated toe and a pulled groin to go along with his hyperextended elbows.

Once we finally got on the ship and Dale had stowed his water in his room, we thought all was well. The next day, however, we had lunch at a pizza bar near a hot tub. For some strange reason, the ship was leaning so much to one side that the pool was draining onto the deck and the water was pooling around our feet while we sat at a table. Was it just a coincidence that Dale and Carol's cabin - the cabin containing the super duper case of extra large water bottles - was on the same side of the ship that the water was pooling to? Just to be safe, we moved some of the water to my cabin on the other side of the ship. It is extremely difficult to right a tipped cruise ship, or so I've heard.

All of the extra weight in the back of the boat may have had something to do with the other oddities that occurred or it may have just been a freak of nature. We may never know. The first situation happened while Dale and I were preparing to play cards in a lounge area on the ship while the girls went back to the cabin for pen and paper. Dale was opening a bottle of red wine and just as the cork was about to pop, the strangest thing happened. A tiny, focused rogue wave hit the ship just under Dale's feet causing the cork and a quantity of wine to leave the wine bottle at high velocity. The wine, once free of the restricting bottle, spread its little wings and flew in all directions. Miraculously, even though a family was sitting in the direct path of the wine spray, no one was hit. Dale and I looked at each other and immediately thought the same thing, "We've got to clean this up before the girls get back." Years of being a husband tend to make you fear messes that you've caused yourself above almost everything else. Just as we were mopping up the last of the wine, the girls came back and after giving us that look that says, "I leave you alone for five minutes and look what you get yourself into," wanted to know what had happened. For some reason, they weren't buying the tiny rogue wave story but Dale and I intend to stick to it anyway.

The next tiny rogue wave hit while we were having dinner in the supper club. Dale and the Tiki Gal ordered Caesar salad so the waiter brought out all the ingredients and tossed the salad table side. We were surprised to see that instead of chopping the romaine lettuce leaves up, the waiter just threw the whole leaves into the bowl and mixed them up with the dressing. While Dale was eating his salad, a tiny, focused rogue wave hit the ship again - and again directly under him. This shock caused Dale to drop a piece of lettuce on the floor. Carol gave him that patented look again and then she and the Tiki Gal spent the rest of the meal giving Dale a hard time. When we had eaten more than we should have and were leaving, the Tiki Gal and I got our first look at the lettuce that Dale had dropped. We had expected to see a small piece of lettuce on the floor but, as the Tiki Gal so succinctly put it, if the ship had sprung a leak and began sinking, all four of us could have hopped in the lettuce leaf and floated to safety.

The tiny rogue waves might have caused Dale problems on the cruise but they also gave me the perfect name for my tiki bar. Once I'm open for business, Dale is in charge of music and beer but we'll keep him away from the wine and salad. You can never be too careful.

This past weekend, Dale and Carol joined us at the Tiki Hut for drinks by the pool. Dale was kind enough to share his birthday beer with me so here are the ratings.

Paulaner Original

Color: Golden

Skunkiness: 0 skunks.

Taste: Sweet yet hoppy with a hint of honey.

Comments: The girls thought the golden color was very pretty.

Carol Rating: 1 on a scale of 1 or 5.

Rating: 4 pints out of 5.

Paulaner Oktoberfest

Color: Golden brown

Skunkiness: 0 skunks.

Taste: Malty and slightly bitter with a hint of molasses.

Comments: While malty like the previous beer, the Paulaner Oktoberfest wasn't quite as sweet. Also worth having again.

Carol Rating: 5

Rating: 4 pints.

Spaten Oktoberfest

Color: Caramel

Skunkiness: 0 skunks.

Taste: Malty and sweet. Had the same character as the Paulaner Original.

Comments: This is a nice, sweet dark beer. It is worth having again.

Carol Rating: 5

Rating: 4 pints.