The Great Skunk Off

On Friday night, we had plans to go to Dale's and Carol's for cards. While I was packing the portable Tiki Bar, Dale called and asked if we would bring our small Schlitz glasses (a gift from Dale, by the way.) I was immediately intrigued because Dale had never requested that we bring Schlitz glasses before and I couldn't imagine why he would need them. As a matter of fact, the last time we used the Schlitz glasses was for shots of Jaegermeister in celebration of the end of a particularly frustrating week at work. I was hoping Dale wasn't in need of Jaegermeister shots - for a variety of reasons - but if shots were required, I was willing because that's what friends do. (Besides, Jaegermeister has grown on me in a sort of fungal way.)

Upon arrival at Dale's and Carol's, I was happy to learn that instead of Jaegermeister we would be having the first Great Skunk Off in Tiki Bar history. Dale had collected a full lineup of skunky beers for our sniffing and drinking pleasure. I think the girls were just as excited about the Great Skunk Off as Dale and I were because they would finally get to snarl their noses at smelly beer. Since Dale had seven different beers in the Skunk Off, he had wisely decided to get just one beer of each kind. He needed the Schlitz glasses so that he could split the beers into small glasses giving each of us roughly half (minus what the girls sipped away) of each one. Perhaps surprisingly, considering the contents of this blog, we aren't big drinkers. We enjoy alcoholic beverages at times but we rarely drink more than two or three drinks in an evening. We do make exceptions at swim up bars, however.

With the flight of skunky beers sitting between the Tiki Gal and Dale at the table, we began the Great Skunk Off. The results follow and, as always, the girls determined the skunkiness of each beer.

Warsteiner Pilsner

Color: Golden amber.

Skunkiness: 1 skunk.

Taste: Hoppy and bitter but smooth, particularly for a German beer.

Comments: We've had Warsteiner Pilsner before but had never officially rated it. Now we have.

Carol Rating: Carol abstained from rating this beer because she found it more offensive than her 1 or 5 rating system could accurately describe. She found it so disgusting that Dale made her take a second sip so that he take a picture of the face she made. The Great Skunk Off was starting with a bang.

Rating: 4 pints.

Bitburger Premium Beer

Color: Light gold.

Skunkiness: 1 skunk.

Taste: Less hoppy than the Warsteiner and thin - almost watery.

Comments: We found this beer very fizzy but there wasn't much more there. It reminded me of the generic beer I used to get in a plastic cup at clubs while in college.

Carol Rating: Carol said it wasn't offensive.

Rating: 3 pints.

St. Pauli Girl Lager

Color: Golden amber.

Skunkiness: 3 skunks... now the skunks are marching.

Taste: A little sweet. Well balanced and complex.

Comments: This was a full bodied beer that was surprisingly good.

Carol Rating: 5 on a scale of 1 or 5.

Rating: 4 pints.

Heineken

Color: Golden.

Skunkiness: 4 skunks. (At this point, the Tiki Gal was getting a little woozy from sitting so close to the skunky beers.)

Taste: Less hoppy than most of the previous beers. Not distinguished. Tasted like beer.

Comments: Would take it if offered but wouldn't expend too much effort to get it. For instance, I would ride a bus in Grand Cayman for a Heineken but I would not dance with a lunch lady.

Carol Rating: Gross. Carol is not a Heineken fan.

Rating: 3.5 pints.

Beck's Pilsner

Color: Golden amber.

Skunkiness: 5 skunks. Beck's is the official skunkiest beer of the Great Skunk Off. (And the Tiki Gal developed a headache from the skunk fumes.)

Taste: Less complex than some beers but well balanced. Like Heineken but with more body.

Comments: Wow. This beer is really skunky.

Carol Rating: Carol did not enjoy Beck's.

Rating: 3.5 pints.

Heineken Dark

Color: Dark amber.

Skunkiness: 0 skunks but it does smell like sorghum.

Taste: Not only does it smell like sorghum, it tastes like sorghum. It would be good over biscuits.

Comments: Heineken Dark doesn't taste much like beer at all. It is very sweet and malty. Maybe it is a dessert beer?

Carol Rating: Carol likes Heineken Dark. She also has decided she likes being a beer wench. So if she ever needs a fall back career, she has that going for her.

Rating: 3 pints.

Beck's Dark

Color: Dark amber.

Skunkiness: 4 skunks. Beck's never fails to bring the skunk.

Taste: An unremarkable dark beer.

Comments: At this point in the evening, my taste buds had apparently stepped out to get some air because I couldn't think of anything to say about this beer. It was not exciting or original.

Carol Rating: Carol enjoys being a beer wench but she does not enjoy Beck's Dark.

Rating: 3 pints.

The Great Skunk Off was a huge success. We got to see the girls make terrible faces, the Tiki Gal developed skunk poisoning from the fumes, Carol discovered her calling in life, and Dale and I got to drink beer. Beck's Pilsner is the current champion but contenders are already lining up hoping to knock him off his lofty perch. I'll get the Schlitz glasses shined up and ready to go.

We also played cards. Dale won Cutthroat. The girls won at Pitch and Dale was in the lead of an Oh Hell! game that was suspended due to all of us being old and tired.