Pitch 'Til You Win

On Friday night, the Tiki Gal and I went to Dale and Carol's for cards and drinks. The evening was even more festive than usual because we were celebrating Dale's move to a new job within his company. Although we are all disappointed that his job title will no longer be "Analyst", we know he will do well in his new job.

The girls wanted the new banana drink I wrote about recently but didn't name. Luckily, later in the evening, Carol came up with the perfect name for this drink, and assuming I don't get hit with a lawsuit, I really like it.

Curious George

Color: Yellow.

Ingredients: 2 oz. orange juice, 2 oz. pineapple juice, 2 oz. coconut rum, 1 oz. creme de banana, 1 oz. amaretto

Taste: The drink is sweet with a definite banana taste but not cloying. It tastes like a banana popsicle.

Comments: Carol said it might be her new favorite drink.

After the Curious George, the Tiki Gal wanted Margaritas. She obviously had a tough week at work. In case you missed it previously, here's the Margarita recipe.

Margarita

Ingredients: 4 oz. Sweet and Sour Mix, 2 oz. tequila, 1 oz. Cointreau, 1 oz. brandy

Instructions: Put all ingredients in a shaker with ice and shake well. Pour into a salt rimmed Margarita glass over ice and serve. For a frozen Margarita, pour all contents into a blender with 1 cup ice and blend well. 

Comments: Use a good tequila like Sauza Conmemorativo. See the Mostly Margaritas entry for more details.

During the night's conversation, we decided we needed to concoct a drink that uses raspberry rum so I'll be working on that over the next few weeks. Also, the Tiki Gal has picked up a new favorite phrase: "Holy Crow!", so we decided to invent a drink with Holy Crow as the name. I have some ideas that I think will work so we'll see how that goes. Speaking of new favorite phrases, Carol broke out a few that I'd never heard and can't repeat here in case my kids ever read this (like they care what I have to say, who am I kidding.) Since she was drinking Margaritas at the time she uttered these new phrases, I think Carol may be allergic to tequila because she has had some interesting reactions to it over the years. That will have to be a complete blog entry at some point to do it justice.

Dale and I had a solid mix of beers as well.

G. Schneider & Sohn Aventinus

Color: Amber and a little cloudy.

Skunkiness: 0 skunks. Smelled sweet.

Taste: A distinct wheat flavor with a slight sharpness.

Comments: The bottle stated that Aventinus is "Germany's original wheat doppelbock." We tend to enjoy double bocks and this one was average.

Carol Rating: 1 on a scale of 1 or 5. She said it "tasted rotten."

Rating: 3.5 pints out of 5.

Chimay Grande Reserve

Color: Dark caramel.

Skunkiness: 0 skunks.

Taste: A complex balance of hops and malt combine to form a great beer. (Wow. That almost sounds like we know what we are doing.)

Comments: We enjoy each of the Chimay beers. You can't really go wrong with any of them.

Carol Rating: 5

Rating: 4.5 pints.

Saint Arnold Lawnmower

Color: Light golden.

Skunkiness: 0 skunks.

Taste: Light and crisp with a hint of citrus.

Comments: We picked this beer up in Texas on our way back from a Jimmy Buffett concert. If you're ever in Gainesville, stop at Rumpy's on I-35. It has a great selection of beer considering it is basically a convenience store.

Carol Rating: 5. She said it was a girl beer.

Rating: 3.5 pints

Samuel Adams Black Lager

Color: Dark chocolate.

Skunkiness: No skunks.

Taste: Malty and smoky. Almost a peat-like taste. The girls wanted to know how we knew what peat tasted like. If they had ever been 10 year-old boys, they wouldn't ask such silly questions.

Comments: We're still a little gun shy of the Sam Adams beers after our intense hop experience. This one is not bad, however.

Carol Rating: 5 although she was tasting through a Margarita filter at this point.

Rating: 3.5 pints.

After a back-and-forth game of Cutthroat, Dale won in the end.  Early in the game, the Tiki Gal bid in spades. She then proceeded to play a bunch of clubs. When we all looked at her with confused expressions, she finally realized that she had meant to bid in clubs, not spades. She couldn't even blame it on the Margaritas since we had just started playing. I'm making her some flash cards with the suits on them so she can practice before we play again.

In an embarrassing display, the girls decided we would continue playing Pitch until they won. It turned out that the girls actually wanted to play until they won or until they had lost three games in a row. I don't like to rub it in so that's all I'll say about that.

Under the heavy influence of Margaritas, Carol won Oh Hell when the game was finally called on count of exhaustion. Overall, not a good night for the girls in the card department.

Smuggler's Blues

As I mentioned in my previous post, the Charlie Brown on Vacation curse has struck on cruises as well. The Tiki Gal and I have gone on two Caribbean cruises with Dale and Carol. Both times, we left from Galveston, Texas and stopped in Jamaica, Grand Cayman and Cozumel, Mexico. The first cruise was on a Royal Caribbean ship and the second was on a Carnival ship. If you are wondering about the difference between the cruise lines, the Royal Caribbean cruise was better but we had more fun on the Carnival cruise - if that makes any sense. Of course, we made most of the fun on the Carnival ship on our own. 

The biggest difference, in my opinion, between the cruise lines was the attitudes of the bar staff - and since this is the Tiki Bar blog, that carries a lot of weight with me. The Royal Caribbean bar staff seemed to genuinely care about mixing and serving decent drinks with appropriate measures of alcohol. We even found favorite bartenders on the ship and by the end of the week, they were giving us recipes for the drinks. On the other hand, the Carnival bar staff - with one exception - seemed more interested in getting you out of the way so they could dig out another bucket of Budweiser in aluminum bottles than in serving you a decent drink. Early in the week, I ordered a Margarita at the pool bar. The bartender pulled out a pitcher of some premixed stuff and poured it over a glass of ice. Without adding anything to it, he handed it to me. I was dubious, to say the least, so I took a sip and it honestly tasted like watered-down, lime flavored Kool-Aid. If you've read any of my previous postings on Margaritas, you know that I'm a big fan. I was not a fan of the watered down Kool-Aid, however, so I asked the bartender if there was any tequila in the drink at all. He assured me there was but my look of disgust must have tipped him off that I was still not convinced. He then grabbed a tequila bottle and poured - maybe - a quarter shot of tequila on top of the Kool-Aid and gave me a big smile. I wanted to beat him with an aluminum Bud bottle.Needless to say, I didn't order another Margarita on the ship.

Unfortunately, I wouldn't even classify the Margarita issue as a Charlie Brown moment. I saved all those for the islands themselves. Surprisingly, I've had the least trouble in Jamaica. If you've been to Jamaica, you will understand why I'm surprised. Jamaica has a reputation as one of the rougher islands you might visit. The shop keepers and vendors are very aggressive in their selling techniques. We've been offered drugs there several times. We've even been warned about the types of cabs to use and those to avoid. It seems that the independent cab drivers are as likely to rob you as to take you where you want to go. With all that could go wrong, my Charlie Brown moment in Jamaica is pretty tame. The last time we were there, we spent the day at an all-inclusive resort and, after lunch, a perfect storm of circumstances caused Dale and I some problems. First, the girls went to get some drinks at the bar. They asked the bartender for Margaritas for Dale and me and to "surprise" them with something good. He surprised them, all right. I think he mixed some vodka, everclear, and 151 proof rum with a few drops of lime juice. Of course, the "surprise" drinks were too strong for the girls to drink so Dale and I traded our Margaritas for the fire water. Soon after finishing those drinks, we discovered the swim-up bar. I have to say, there is very little in life that is better than a swim-up bar on a tropical island. Between the cool pool water, the beautiful scenery, and the never ending flow of alcohol I was ready to spend my next vacation sitting right there. Anyway, Dale and I each drank about a million Red Stripes at the swim-up bar so we were feeling really good by the end of the day. We took a taxi back to the pier and that's where my problems started. First, I'm not all that good at math after a million Red Stripes so I managed to give the cab driver a ten dollar tip for a five minute cab ride. Once I explained this to the Tiki Gal, she took my wallet and the card key to our room away for safe keeping. We then got in line to go through the baggage screening and metal detectors and, as usual, I ended up at the back of our group. We got to the metal detectors and Dale, Carol and the Tiki Gal all stepped through with no issues. When I stepped through, however, a female Jamaican cop asked me to step to the side with her. I started wondering why I was given this grand opportunity and noticed that other guys behind me were being asked to step aside as well. Why did this new step in the process start with me? I don't think I look like a smuggler of illicit materials. Anyway, the female officer asked me to stand with my legs apart and my arms raised. I did as asked and she then proceeded to give me a very thorough pat-down. Very thorough. She and I don't have a lot of secrets, if you know what I mean. In some cultures, we would be considered married. At this point, I was glad I at least got the female officer. Some of the other poor saps got the burly male officers. I looked over and Dale, Carol and the Tiki Gal were obviously enjoying the show. Luckily, I wasn't packing anything that would get me in trouble and I was sent on my way. I went immediately back to my room and took a series of really hot showers. Very thorough, hot showers.

Kissed by the Irish

On Tuesday evening - St. Patrick's Day - Dale and Carol joined us at the Tiki Hut for drinks and cards. While playing, we realized that we only had a month to wait before the Jimmy Buffett concert in Dallas This will be the fourth year in a row that the Tiki Gal and I have gone to Dallas to see Buffett, three of those years with Dale and Carol.

The first year, the Tiki Gal and I didn't know what to expect. Dale and Carol had been to many Buffett concerts before but we had not. We had heard about the Parrotheads, of course, but like Jimmy says, "Don't try to describe a Kiss concert if you've never seen it." His concerts are much the same. We've seen women in grass skirts and coconut bras and debated on whether there was anything underneath. Unfortunately, we've also seen men in the same outfit. Buffett fans seem to range in age from four to ninety-four because we've seen little kids on their birthday parties as well as older folks in their Hawaiian shirts.

The concert was at the Smirnoff Music Center which is a half-covered, half open air auditorium. The front half of the area had a roof and had assigned seats. The back half was a grassy hill open to the sky. Our seats were near the back of the covered area so we had a good view of the folks on the grass. They brought blankets, lawn chairs or just themselves and picked any spot that was not already taken. Before the concert started, a man and woman behind us began complaining about the twenty-somethings. Apparently, they didn't approve of the drinking and the skimpy clothes. Imagine our surprise, then, when the concert started and the complainers busted out a joint and lit up. I guess their views on what is acceptable are a little different than mine.

One of the twenty-something couples was sitting in front of us. It was a humid night and the twentyish guy was really dancing. Not well and not to the beat, but he was really energetic. He must have gotten really sweaty because he grabbed a shirt that the people in front of him had draped over the back of their chair and wiped his face with it. He then placed it carefully back where he found it. He was quite the gentleman.

And the finishing touch to the concert occurred near the end. A lady sitting behind Carol had a little too much of something - probably the joint - and started yelling as loud as she could for no reason whatsoever. We think it was supposed to be a cheer of some kind but it just sounded like a long, moaning yell. Sort of like "Aaaangghhhhh," over and over again. She then started leaning on the back of Carol's head as she yelled. "Aaaangghhhhh," right in Carol's ear. It is difficult to concentrate on the music when there is a crazy lady on top of you yelling at the top of her lungs, but we did our best and had a great time anyway - except maybe for Carol.

On St. Patrick's Day, Dale and I tried two Irish beers that we haven't had before as well as a beer from America's oldest brewery.

Beamish Irish Stout

Color: Dark chocolate.

Skunkiness: 0 skunks.

Taste: Slightly malty with a mild coffee taste.

Comments: The first of our beers from Ireland was a hit; we would have this one again. Even the Tiki Gal thought it was drinkable.

Carol Rating: 5 on her scale of 1 or 5.

Rating: 4 pints out of 5.

Murphy's Stout

Color: Dark chocolate

Skunkiness: 0 skunks.

Taste: Pleasant with a mild chocolate taste.

Comments: This beer started off poorly for me because I took a sip and found a string in my mouth. The Tiki Gal had poured the beer so, of course, I accused her of getting a hair in my beer. She said it was yarn and not a hair, however, and she had never knitted as far as I know. In any case, starting off with a string in your beer is not a good thing.

Carol Rating: 1. Carol said it was a one dimensional beer and she was whelmed by it (as opposed to overwhelmed or underwhelmed). The Tiki Gal said it was not drinkable. This is why they have to have their own ratings. Dale and I enjoyed it.

Rating: 3.5 pints.

Yuengling Black and Tan

Color: Black with a tan head (of course).

Skunkiness: 0 skunks.

Taste: A well balanced beer. Good but not memorable.

Comments: The Yuengling brewing company in Pottsville, Pennsylvania is the oldest brewing company in the United States. Dale has a source that can get Yuengling for us occasionally but it is not sold in Oklahoma.

Carol Rating: 5. She said it "Tastes like beer. Nonoffensive." High praise in the Carol beer world. The Tiki Gal said it was drinkable as well.

Rating: 3.5 pints.

Carol won at Cutthroat in another rout. She must be slipping cards up her sleeves or something. Dale and I won at Pitch and Dale won Oh Hell!

The Tiki Gal and I also remembered a few Charlie Brown moments from past cruises so I'll be passing those on later in the week. Until then, just remember that its five o'clock somewhere.

Kicked in the Schlitterbahn

As Carol pointed out in a comment to my last post, I have a few other quirks - I have a lot of quirks, to tell the truth - which I didn't mention. The most prevalent of these is the Charlie Brown on Vacation curse. Like Charlie Brown always seeming to find misfortune in unlikely places, my Charlie Brown on Vacation curse causes misfortune to sneak attack me on not all, but some vacation trips. If the curse would strike on every vacation, I would be prepared for it but it is too insidious for that. It only strikes occasionally so that I'm never ready.

Several years ago, the Tiki family loaded the family truckster and went to the Schlitterbahn water park in New Braunfels, Texas, with Dale and Carol and their children. Schlitterbahn is a huge complex of water parks with everything from wave pools to a very speedy lazy river to water roller coasters. Schlitterbahn also has dozens of flume rides. The flume consists of a concrete channel that switches back and forth down a hill - imagine a bobsled run filled with water instead of ice. To ride the flume, you sit in an inner tube and are whisked through a series of slow moving streams, fast moving rapids, and the occasional drop down a really fast moving ramp.

Schlitterbahn is always packed with people because it is a fun place to be. At the top of the flume rides, a college-age lifeguard helps you climb into your inner tube and gives you a shove to get you started. The lifeguards load people as fast as possible to keep the lines moving. As you can imagine, this can lead to crowded conditions in the flume. So, we began to notice that no matter where I started out in line to get on the flume, I was always the last of our group to get to the end of the flume. Everyone else could make their way through the masses of inner tubes fairly quickly but I'd always get stuck somehow. Sometimes, a large lady wearing her inner tube like a miniskirt would decide I looked like someone who could pull her through to the end and would latch onto my tube. Other times, kids would use my tube as a launch pad and push themselves along - and me backwards - by shoving off with their legs in the direction of the exit. And occasionally I would just get stuck in the whirlpools that naturally exist at the bottom of the ramps. The best way to exit a whirlpool is to push off using someone else's tube – the kids had taught me this important lesson. Strangely enough, however, the entire flume could be packed with people except for the particular whirlpool I happened to be stuck in.  I would circle around for what seemed like hours before someone came zipping down the ramp and launched me out of the whirlpool.

The ramps were dangerous for me in many ways. On one flume, I had managed to stay with our pack for much longer than usual. We made it to one long ramp and I started down with Carol right behind me. At the bottom of the ramp was the customary whirlpool and stuck in this whirlpool was a large group of people circling in their tubes like a swimsuit clad offensive line. I hit this wall of tubes and stopped instantly. Carol did not. Her feet hit me in the back of the head at approximately the speed of sound. When the stars cleared, I was fine but a couple of large ladies were latched onto my tube waiting for me to get them out of the whirlpool.

Later in the day, we rode another flume and I managed to stay with the group through the entire ride. This didn't turn out to be a good thing for me, however. The flume ended with a big ramp leading into a pool of water. Just before the big ramp was a whirlpool. Apparently, the Schlitterbahn folks had learned that without help, people would circle in that whirlpool forever so they had stationed a lifeguard in the pool to shove the tubes, and us in them, over the edge of the ramp. As usual, I was at the back of our group so everyone had been shoved over the ramp and they were all now waiting on me to join them. I finally made my way into the final whirlpool and saw that the lifeguard was a petite girl who was maybe five feet tall and couldn’t have weighed more than one-hundred pounds. My tube drifted toward her so she grabbed it and gently pushed me toward the ramp. The next thing that happened was truly remarkable. I’m six-two and weigh about one-eighty and this tiny girl flipped me, tube and all, completely over as she shoved me over the edge. One second I’m looking at my friends and family at the bottom of the ramp and the next second I’m seeing blue sky and then water streaming past my face. I managed to flip back over so I would be upright and found myself sitting on the ramp and, somehow, the tube had flown up in the air and came down over my head so I was now wearing it like a tutu. At this point, I noticed that the ramp was very steep and to keep people from descending too quickly, Schlitterbahn had installed a bunch of small speed bumps. These speed bumps are probably not a problem when you are sliding down on your tube but they are a big problem when you are sliding down on your rear. I now know what it feels like to ski moguls without skis. And worst of all, as I’m bouncing down the ramp on my rear with the tube around my middle, I look up and see my entire group – with their hands on their knees – laughing their heads off. My pride was bruised (as well as a few other things) but I climbed out of the water, pulled my tube off my head, and waited patiently for my friends, family, and complete strangers to get up off the ground and catch their collective breath. I guess all that laughing really takes it out of you.

The Red Light Curse and Other Afflictions

The Tiki Gal and I joined Dale and Carol for dinner at Abuelo's on Saturday night. The food was really good. Dale and I got crab filled enchiladas covered in a lobster sauce with vegetables, shrimp and scallops on top. Carol had a chimichanga and the Tiki Gal had fajitas. We ordered a pitcher of margaritas that served four and cost half as much as my car is worth (I'm barely exaggerating.) Unfortunately, the pitcher was still cheaper than it would have been if each of us ordered a drink. It is much cheaper to make margaritas at home and they are typically better than anything you can get in a restaurant (unless you buy the Bucket o' Margaritas and a bottle of Tijuana's best tequila.) See the Mostly Margaritas entry for good recipes and tequila tips.

After dinner, we came back to the Tiki Hut where the girls had Coco Cabanas and Dale and I had margaritas. We did play a few games of cards. Dale and I finally put an end to the Pitch curse we've been suffering through. Carol then dominated a game of Cutthroat.

On Sunday, the Tiki Gal and I decided to go to a movie. As we were driving to the theater, we experienced a phenomenon that is all too familiar to us but may be unknown to some out there. This phenomenon is known as Tiki Man's Red Light Curse. No matter where I go, what time it is, or how much traffic is on the road, I hit roughly 99% of all traffic lights red. Worse than that, I not only hit them red - I hit them just as they are turning red so that I have to sit through the entire light cycle before I can go again. This affliction is a never ending source of frustration for me and my family. It never fails that when we need to be somewhere quickly - such as a movie - the Red Light Curse will hit in full force. I have gone for months at a time without hitting a green light. It has gotten so bad that extended family members, friends, and even slight acquaintances groan whenever I am forced to drive and we come upon a light that is just turning from yellow to red. I feel that I should apologize to all drivers who are anywhere near the Tiki Mobile whenever the curse hits and they all have to stop as well - actually, most other drivers frustrate me so they all deserve it. Anyway, on Sunday I was driving along and automatically slowed to stop at an upcoming light. The Tiki Gal chuckled and mentioned that the light was green so I didn't have to stop. I was shocked. I hadn't hit a green light - or even coasted through a yellow - in forever.

The worst thing about the Red Light Curse is that it is hereditary. My son has only been driving for a year but he already has a serious case of RLC. There are two stop lights in our town that are only supposed to turn red when there are cars entering and leaving the high school. My son and I are the only two people in town who consistently have to stop at those lights - at night. When there is no school function. And not another car in sight.

Closely related to my Red Light Curse is my You Picked the Wrong Checkout Line Curse. No matter how short the line is, if there is a single person ahead of me something strange always happens to ensure that I will spend twenty minutes waiting. I was behind an older couple in a "20 items or less" line once. The couple had approximately 60 items in their cart but they paid for them 20 at a time. I guess they were sticklers for the rules. I thought my luck had changed another time when I was in an "Express Lane." The gentleman in front of me only had four or five items. The cashier checked him out quickly and put those items in two bags. Unfortunately for me, the gentleman only took one of those bags with him after he paid and left. The cashier noticed the bag that was left behind after scanning my one item and trying to place it in the bag that already had stuff in it. The cashier then grabbed up the orphaned bag and sprinted out the door into the parking lot to find the owner. My item was checked but I hadn't paid yet so I had to stand there while super clerk found the rightful owner of some deodorant and toothpaste. 

I also manage to always get behind the people who are using their credit card for the very first time. While it is amusing to watch them try to figure out the credit card machines, it is never a speedy operation. Once, I was behind a lady that whipped out some strange credit card that wouldn't even work in the machine. The cashier pulled out one of those old mechanical credit card readers that use the carbon paper insert. Of course the cashier had never used the archaic, mechanical machine before so I spent ten minutes of my life watching her try to figure it out. On the way home I hit every red light.

And you wonder why I drink?

Relieving the Pressure

Over the last several weeks, Dale has been opening himself up to us more and more. We are learning that Dale has had an interesting journey through life. The Tiki Gal and Carol have been giving Dale a hard time about some of his revelations so I wanted to send him this message.

Instead of marching to the same beat as many others, you choose to shuffle along to the rhythm of your inner tuba. Like a tire turning on the road less traveled, your uniqueness stems from your artistic core. The best thing about you is that we never know if you will put the cap on the valve, as expected, or if you will invert it and do something totally unexpected. If we could discover the extender of life, we might find that it is based on playing a unique melody. So don't gauge your actions on those of others, gauge them only on the happiness they bring.

On Friday night, Dale and Carol joined the Tiki Gal and me at the Tiki Hut for cards. It was one of those nights when you all start laughing about something silly and it just carries through the evening. We started out talking about things we collected as kids. The Tiki Gal then mentioned my irrational fear of magazine inserts. (It's not that I'm afraid of them, exactly, it's just that I hate the way they feel... all dry and fuzzy. Sort of like a peach, another of my least favorite things.) Before long, the cards were just getting in the way of the conversation, as Dale deftly pointed out. We persevered, however, and had a few drinks along the way.

The Tiki Gal and Carol enjoy strawberries so we invented a new drink. They both seemed to enjoy it so here it is.

Smoothie Sailin'

Color: Dark red.

Ingredients: 2 oz. Finest Call Strawberry Puree' (available in a supermarket or liquor store near you), 3 oz. orange juice, 1 oz. Myer's Dark Rum, 2 oz. Creme de Banana. Shake well with ice or blend with 1 cup of ice for a frozen treat.

Taste: It tastes like a strawberry, banana smoothie. 

Comments: I used Finest Call Strawberry Puree' but it would work as well with fresh, blended strawberries and 1 oz. simple syrup (see Mostly Margaritas for the simple syrup recipe.)

Dale and I really enjoy most of the double bocks we've tried so we decided to have a Bock Off to determine which was the best of the bunch - or at least the best of the three we had on hand.

Grinbergen Double Ale

Color: Dark amber.

Skunkiness: 0 skunks but it did smell very sweet.

Taste: Malty and sweet with a bite at the end. We couldn't determine what caused the bite.

Comments: This is an extremely fizzy beer that seemed to have too much of something to be really good.

Carol Rating: 1 on her scale of 1 or 5.

Rating: 3.5 pints. 

Spaten Optimator

Comments: We've rated this beer many times here and it is consistently good.

Carol Rating: Initially a 1 but it turned into a 5 as the beer warmed.

Rating: 4.5 pints.

Paulaner Salvator

Comments: We've also rated this beer many times as it is one of our favorites.

Carol Rating: Unfortunately, Carol didn't rate this beer.

Rating: 4.5 pints.

As you can see, we really like Optimator and Salvator. The two are really different but very good in their own way. The Optimator is malty and mild while the Salvator is a little hoppier and zesty. I would walk across a hot beach for either of them.

Dale won Cutthroat and Oh Hell! and the girls won at Pitch. I'm starting to worry about this run of Pitch victories by the girls. We keep making it close but can't seem to get over the hump. If their run extends much longer, the core of my Pitch strategy may need to change.